If you are going to be banged up for a crime, Tauranga’s the “come to” place.  

First, if and when you get caught for your indiscretions, you will be chauffeured in a cool branded Skoda back to Tauranga Centre Police station. The constable might even flash the lights and sound the siren. Make you feel wanted. So to speak.

The station, a modern, but perhaps utilitarian building, sits on a premium, high above The Strand among the Pohutukawa, with harbour and city views and adjacent to the redoubt. Not sure if you see all that from the cells. If not a police station the site would have been good for a tourist hotel.  Unfortunately the people who stay at this hotel don’t pay. We do.

Then in the morning, guests will typically be delivered breakfast, if not in bed, then in their cell. Cereal, toast and tea or coffee. We pay again. I can’t even guarantee myself that sort of breakfast. And I bet they don’t do their own dishes. 

And if you can organise a bail bond, you can take a short walk down the hill to a fine selection of gastropubs and restaurants.

All this because I saw the earthworks for the new $208 million court complex redevelopment on the corner of McLean, Willow and Monmouth streets. What a wonderful stage. Uninterrupted vistas of the harbour, the Mount, the airport and beyond. It would be a pleasure and a privilege to get sent down at this court.

I jest because the old complex is a dog. Leaky, dingy and well past its Use-by date. Just another sign this city is progressing, even though it’s the ne’er-do-wells who will benefit in this case. Shame we have to throw so much cash at the wasters. 

I Goldsmith, Bureta