Deborah loves her profession, which she balances with resting, rejuvenating and slowing life down a little.

'Although I teach I'm learning a lot at the same time. We're forever doing that figure eight - learning, teaching, learning, teaching.”

I enjoyed catching up with Deborah at the end of a busy year after finding I needed a personal reset of my own purpose. Her friends say she is passionate about helping people, which she has shaped into training and life coaching courses.

'I generally teach and train others in the modalities I've found very useful, as well as coaching one-on-one and couples directly. Nothing brings me more joy than working with high achievers to help them reconnect to themselves, their purpose and their relationships and in doing so refine their ability to achieve extraordinary results.”

Relationship resets, communication improvements, navigating difficulties in relationships, reigniting loveless marriages, breaking through to new levels of success in business – these are all often ideals and goals that get placed on the back burner while people stretch themselves across work commitments, or use distractions and avoidance tactics because of undefined internal challenges.

'Sometimes people want to know what causes the disconnect in relationships,” says Deborah. 'What's behind that? And then - what's the solution?”

A lot of people come to Deborah saying that their relationship is at its tipping point.

'Where they're either going to leave or they see their partner is going to leave them. They've got to the edge where they're feeling like 'I need out” or 'I need help”, or 'I'm going to go and have an affair”, or turn to behaviours which 'don't serve my family and my values - I just have no choice cause I'm frustrated”. And what's the number one cause of that?”

She's found couples may become misaligned with what they value in a relationship, and recounts the example of where one person may love the freedom to do whatever they want and not feel boxed in, whereas their partner may want quality time together. Both may feel the other doesn't love or respect them.

'There may be misunderstanding and appreciating what is important in the relationship. What a person values is usually internal and not expressed externally, so the other person's left guessing and have no clue what their motivation of love and relationship is.”

Deborah Workman speaking to a group. Photo: Ruthie Stoffels

Passion and direction are also aspects that relationships may falter over, where one person wants to jump into starting a business with all its risks, whereas the other person may have some trauma around doing that previously and experience renewed anxiety.

'I encourage couples to share with each other openly rather than go to the ‘island of conclusion' and decide the other person's not supporting them because they're not saying anything.”

Understanding what are each other's values, passion and direction for the next year, five years, ten years can bring a great deal of strength and help to a relationship.

'It's nice to know what the other person is focusing on so we can either support it or we can talk into it rather than just have it happen without knowing.”

Intentionally considering the good in others and acknowledging that good is one place to start with building back a healthy relationship.

I ended 2020 still with a ‘To do' list but have ditched it after discovering Deborah's ‘To Be' list which is a great way to navigate back to who I am, do less, and ‘be' more. It's free on her website www.deborahworkman.com