Brian Rogers Rogers Rabbits www.sunlive.co.nz

Poor cuzzy, the Easter Bunny. He's copping it from all sides this week. As if the guy isn't busy enough in the build-up to Easter…he's warding off a series of dastardly threats against him, starting with the anti-sugar campaigners breathing down his neck.

Imagine the impact on the Easter egg business if there's a walloping tax on Easter gut-rot.

How are the nearly-obese supposed to reach their ultimate goal of morbidly obese, if bureaucracy keep throwing these sorts of hurdles in their way?

Then from left of field, comes a new rabbit killing virus. According to SunLive, the Bay's most-followed news organisation, the virus RHDV1-K5, is a Korean strain of the lethal calicivirus already present in New Zealand that causes Rabbit Haemorrhagic Disease. The New Zealand Rabbit Coordination Group is working with Landcare Research to seek approval to introduce K5 into New Zealand to help control rabbit damage, which costs the agricultural industry tens of millions in control and lost production each year.

Then on top of the sugar ban and the deadly virus, the intrepid bunny is faced with a gnarly storm, if the MetService forecast is correct. Heavy rain means potential for flooding, slips and hazardous driving conditions. If you were clever wee bunnies, you'd be staying home and dry this Easter.

The fourth sign that not all is well with the Easter Bunny's outlook is a gruesome discovery on the road outside the Sun office this week: A pair of rabbit earrings that have been run over.

Not good karma, having the likeness of the Bunny as roadkill in the week before Easter. (If you are missing these danglers from your rabbit ears, give Julie a call at the Sun, 07 578 0030).

There's always danger lurking in the sea, from risk of tsunami. Not just for EB, but all of us. Fortunately, the Easter Bunny and the rest of us can find out how to mitigate this risk, by checking out the advice on page 20. The friendly folk at the council have some helpful tips on preparing for such a disaster.

Next comes the risk of trampling... from the marauding children intent on hunting Easter eggs at Grower Direct. We suggest EB checks out the ad in this paper, to be forewarned. Also any intending marauders, see page 38.

The rabbit faked it

Finally, the greatest threat to Mr Bunny is not so much life-threatening, but a challenge to his credibility. Some doubters claim he's not real, that he helped fake the moon landings, contributed to erosion and global warming, staged 911 hijackings and is generally not to be trusted.

We have a message for you non-believers.

May you sail off the edge of the world. Which, we all know, is flat.

And if you do set sail for the edge of the earth, make sure your boat is named something really spectacular, such as ‘Boaty McBoatface'. In a story this week, proving that fact can always be stranger than fiction, The British public bless 'em, have voted the best name for a £200 million ship is ‘Boaty McBoatface', if the ‘Daily Telegraph' can be believed. The National Environment Research Council thought it would be a nice idea to ask online, for people to name the Royal Research Ship. Massively in front of the rest…Boaty McBoatface.

James Hand, who put the suggestion, described it as 'an absolutely brilliant name'.

Others included RRS David Attenborough, RRS Pingu and RRS Boat Marley and the Whalers. The poll is just a suggestion, so there is no guarantee the boat name will stick.


If You Love Mexico

Meanwhile, it completely unrelated news, Olivia Newton John's missing boyfriend, AWOL for 11 years, has apparently been found secretly living in Mexico with a new lover.

A magazine is claiming Patrick McDermott, who vanished on a fishing trip a decade ago, has told a German woman 'You're the One That I Want” and made a new life with her.

Amidst claims he faked his own death; a massive investigation to find him and a book written on the case, it appears McDermott just wanted to be left alone and start anew…Clearly he didn't listen very carefully to 'Hopelessly Devoted to You,” particularly the line 'But now there's nowhere to hide, since you pushed my love aside…”

Righto sailors, have a great Easter, avoid the tempest. Stay safe and enjoy our amazing flat world, no matter what your beliefs and cultures.

brian@thesun.co.nz

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