Brian Rogers Rogers Rabbits www.sunlive.co.nz

Being a globetrotting type of newspaper magnate, I spend much of the year travelling; and it's on these madcap excursions that we meet intriguing people and experience far-out things, which keep this column full of awe and wonder.

Just recently, while tripping abroad, I heard a fascinating story. They have a lot of stories, on Matakana Island. Some of them involve salad, which I realise is 'eyes glaze over” topic for most of you readers of this column, being cantankerous, carnivorous and some of you, contagious. But bear with me, we get to the meat in the end.

It was a shock to find out this week that capsicums and peppers are actually the same thing.

All my life I've believed they were two completely different fruit. Now I find out there's huge gaps in my education and I really start to wonder…did I learn anything at Otumoetai College? (Do not answer this, former teachers).

The capsicum/pepper identification crisis has left me doubting my understanding of the entire horticulture world and I will have to read Coast & Country more thoroughly.

Vege madness

Now there's even a suggestion that green peppers are the same as red peppers, only not ripened. When will the madness stop?

The discovery rated about the same degree of astonishment in the Rabbit brain, as the day I found out that dates are actually dried sultanas and raisins are dried sheep droppings.

Or is that raisins are dried grapes and dates are trans-species sultanas?

Rumours also abound that courgettes could be zucchini in disguise; which in turn are actually baby marrows, plucked at an obscenely young age from the clutches of the parent marrow plants. So not only are they molested as babies and orphaned, they suffer split personality disorders.

I blame the vegans.

Even more concerning is that peppers and paprika are virtually the same thing. Now I question every fruit and vegetable belief from my upbringing.

I won't be able to look a potato in the eye again.

Goodness me. Next they'll be trying to tell us the earth is round. Santa is made up figment of grown-ups' imaginations and that the earth doesn't warm and cool all by itself.

Retention and detention

Recently the Rabbit had reason to travel to Australia and back, fortunately avoiding the optional tour of Christmas Island on the way home.

Optional, because you can actually choose to NOT break the law while in Australia; therefore avoiding the detour with its extra travel, accommodation hassles and poor service.

There was some trepidation amongst the group travelling to Australia so soon after the magnificent rugby defeat by the All Blacks over the Wallabies and the retention of the Rugby World Cup.

I was concerned that our sensitive and caring Aussie cousins might still be a little miffed about the rugby final outcome and we didn't want to step on any toes.

So on the plane the drinks came around and I was offered a beverage, which I thanked the stewardess for, and politely declined a glass… 'We already have a cup.”

I complimented the crew on the view from the window seat, because it's always exciting to see the wing on touchdown.

I was very careful when filling out my immigration forms. When asked ‘reason for visiting Australia' I kept it simple and wrote: 'To gloat.”

When asked if had anything to declare, I pronounced McCaw the greatest rugby captain ever.

Ten top things to do in the school holidays

Ask your parents first (as if that will make any difference)

1. Find creative angles to photograph Tauranga landmarks, such as the Hairy Maclary statues. Text them to the dog ranger to say the there's a pack of unregistered dogs on The Strand and they've chased a cat up a pole.

2. Climb the Mount backwards.

4. Find a mate and a stretcher to climb the Mount to bring back the idiot who tried No. 2 and twisted his ankle.

5. Pick flowers for your granny. Run before you are caught in the rose gardens with secateurs.

6. Jump from an airplane. Make sure it's with Tauranga Tandem Skydiving or you may have some explaining to do at Air NZ.

7. Do random good deeds in your neighbourhood. Wash cars, clean house windows, mow lawns, sweep leaves.
Or, like, just play video games and, like, eat chips.

8. When staying at grandparents' place, carefully black out a few extra squares of the crossword, to make it more interesting for them to solve.

9. Finding the missing No.3 from this list.

10. When questioned about where you got so many evil ideas, don't say you read it here. Tell them the Race Relations Commissioner made you do it.

Parting thought:

I know I promised meat, but we are out of space. Just eat your veges and be thankful you're not in Ethiopia, starving. Or worse, a zucchini. They are really messed up.

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