Brian Rogers Rogers Rabbits www.sunlive.co.nz

Well here we are: The world still exists, despite the predictions that it would end last week.
I know a lot of you are quite dismayed to find that little has changed; and that the world as we know it – and your mortgages – are still here.

I awoke on Sunday morning in a rapture, all right, to find that not much had happened; except maybe the world had fractionally warmed itself despite whatever little contribution was made from mankind's burning of stuff. In fact the Iceland volcano, Mount Unpronounceable, was spewing more carbon dioxide and other nasty gases into the atmosphere per hour than all the cows in the Waikato had farted in the last 200 years.
Then because the world was supposedly going to end, I didn't bother writing a column for this week.
So you can imagine my disappointment to find out that I do, in fact, have to keep you good folk entertained and enthralled on page two after all.
So work with me here, because we have a lot of material to get through this week and it's not in very good shape.
First up is the Wellywood saga:
Wellington should be celebrating its creativity and uniqueness, not indulging in cheap shot mimicry.
Cheapskate market
Having said that, Tauranga, known for its tackiness (Ten Dollar Tauranga) has an opportunity here to upstage the Capital in the cheapskate imagery market, by whacking up a quick and shoddy sign on the side of the Mount, just for a laugh. Get in quick before Auckland tacks something onto the side of Rangitoto or Mount Wellington (how ironic?) or One Sign Hill.
One media wag this week suggested Auckwood (Awkward).
One RR reader came up with a Wellywood sign with a pair of gumboots and the tag-line 'Visit Taihape”.
Golf courses are missing out on the opportunity to label the hillside with Tiger Wood. You bet he would. In fact, he did. Many times over.
How about Helenwood, as a reminder. Don't you just miss her?
Then there are many die-hards out there who just wish Winston Wood. Again.
Finally there's Northland, which should hone in with Hone Wood.
Hone would, if only someone would vote for him.
And if you think this is taking the mickey out of our fine Mana party leader, just bear in mind that a reader sent an email this week suggesting the delivery people give her mailbox 'a wide berth” because she didn't want our 'redneck drivel” delivered anymore. We're pleased to know there are still some supporters of racial separatism out there.
Just be warned; the 'rednecks” you perceive are the majority of reasonable thinking, balanced and fair-minded voting New Zealanders who have had enough of the racist claptrap from a minority of trouble makers in this country.
So those of you who appreciate the Sun's redneck drivel, you will happily understand that a tacky sign on the side of Mauao is a great idea.
Mogadishu wants us

In other news, there's great potential for Tauranga to develop its international relations by having another sister city. This week, the strife torn Somalian capital of Mogadishu put out a call for sister cities. Isn't that a wonderful opportunity. After endless battles since 1993 and all sorts of trouble with insurgents, rebels and rampaging warlords – I bet they've got a hillside sign: Holywood.

The alert reader, Jill, who pointed out the Mogadishu 'opportunity” says flak jackets will be part of the team uniform for visits. And she knows at least one councillor she'd happily send there.
Meanwhile, the long arm of the law is shaking its finger at those inclined to raise their long arms – in a Mexican wave.
Dunedin police tried to apply the freno de mano* on the popular sports ground ritual at the upcoming rugby world cup, in case it results in projectiles being thrown.
I'll bet a bottle of tequila that it will only have fuelled the crowd's determination to fit as many Mexican waves in as possible. After all, what are they going to do? Ask 'hands up” who agrees to not partake of a Mexican wave? And that'll be the start of one.
Here at RR we believe the Mexican wave is the least of the world's problems.
At least they're not doing the Iraqi wave, which is a darn sight more dangerous, as the arms they wave around are usually loaded, involving rocket-propelled grenades and some fine Russian armoury.
Worse than that is probably the Japanese Wave. We've seen the devastating results of one of those.
For goodness sake, where is the PC nonsense going to end? Just as last week, when we were warned of the dangers of planking, simply because a couple of people have fallen to death.
Lying down itself is not generally a life-threatening activity; nor is a Mexican wave. It's the odd careless or drunken individual who take a harmless action and make it into a dangerous one – and that can happen anywhere, anytime.
Next thing you know, someone will try to ban drinking water, because someone has drowned doing it.
*Spanish for 'handbrake”