Brian Rogers Rogers Rabbits www.sunlive.co.nz

It's been a tough old week here at RR headquarters with the now well-reported departure of my most loyal and fun loving companion.
This column won't dwell on Diesel the chocolate Labrador, but for those who would like to wallow morosely, there's a full account of the life and times of this extraordinary dog – his life public and private – on SunLive. Read it here.

Thanks to the many, many people who have sent emails, cards, phone messages and various bottles of soothing beverages.
And those who made the offer: ‘If there's anything we can do to help' – here's some starters.
We need you to:
Growl at trains.
Take me for a walk regularly.
Chase possums up trees and bark till a gun arrives.
Leave large Mr Whippy-type sculptures on the lawn, and occasionally the neighbour's.
Bring my slippers. Then eat them.
Moan (in a satisfied way) while I rub your ears till you fall over sideways.
Win over picnicking families with your big brown eyes and head slightly tilted to the left.
Run for falling avocados and catch them before the second bounce.
Stand still while a German Pointer simultaneously barks in your face, destroys your tail and bites your whiskers.
Remind me at 4.59pm every day for 12 years that dog feeding time is 5pm.
Nuzzle understandingly when the All Blacks lose.
At least six times a day, go out the back door (which is open) then expect to come in the front door (which is closed).
Walk in several tight circles before sitting down.
That's just for starters. I will dispense a more complete list of your duties when you arrive with the Captain Morgan.
There are those who have suggested that quantities of rum help the grieving process. However, from what I can tell, all that does is make the crying slurred.

Grounding
Moving right along, the exciting news this week is that Tauranga is likely to get a Skyhawk, since the fleet (you can't call them a squadron, since they don't fly) are being retired to museums. Popular opinion around the town is that the old jet fighter will go to Classic Flyers. However RR is campaigning to get it dumped near the Kestrel berth. That's where we in Tauranga traditionally park our old wrecks.
We're also renaming it the ‘Ground Hawk' since it will have been on the tarmac longer than it ever flew.
Really, however, this is just part of a cunning plan by the wicked Doris and The Matua Patchwork & Quilters who have been eyeing up some real firepower for months now. I know this, because I read it in ‘Not the News' on SunLive.
See www.sunlive.co.nz/news/8340-skyhawks-on-way-to-bay.html
For those of you who have been in a vacuum for the last few months, ‘Not the News' is a regular, sometimes daily (depending on how much news isn't there) on the SunLive website.
For those of you who have been in a vacuum, under a rock and locked in the cellar bound, gagged and blindfolded – SunLive is the region's fastest local news service.
It's the best way to get your local news, seven days a week, all day, everyday. It's also free.
‘Not the News' is a column on the homepage of SunLive.
A word of warning, for those bereft of a sense of humour: ‘Not the News' is well, not the news. It's a fictitious, satirical take on the real news, but you need to read it to make sure the likes of Doris don't get out of control.
You have been warned.
Seriously, we hope it comes together for Classic Flyers, the museum is a fantastic asset for Tauranga and the team deserve it. CF is also a great example of what keen volunteers plus some smart management can achieve, without public funding. A great example here for the arts, perhaps?

It just ain't cricket!
Karen from Te Puna was among the many readers who pointed this out.
Andy Belcher's caption with his photo last week (April 1) proclaimed it a cricket, when in fact it seems to be another bug, a cicada apparently. Further evidence, says Karen, is that Andy refers to the noise they make and the photo was taken at daytime, which really does confirm it to be a cicada, as crickets are nocturnal.
Thanks Karen and the many other alert readers who spend a lot of time watching David Attenborough. Let's put it down to Andy's April 1 foolery; although the joke is really on us for not spotting it.

Finally, the most bizarre news this week comes from Auckland, with plans revealed for a Tupper Waka.
The canoe, made of traditional Maori plastic, is set to make history alongside everything phoney and culturally insensitive. Not since the plastic tiki have we seen such a shabby idea.
RR agrees with the commentator who noted that for the same money the government could have funded some real wood carved waka all around the country – or helped rebuild Christchurch.
Rather than promoting real Maori culture to visitors, it will be just another confusing symbol to a world that already thinks the kiwi is a little brown fruit that is green on the inside and our flightless bird is the Skyhawk.