Telecom. Everyone's talking about Telecom, so I thought I might add to the debate.

Only I'm not interested in their Richard Hammond-approved, generally under-the-weather XT Network. Enough people seem too upset with that gem of modern technology without me contributing to the chorus of criticism.
No, what I want to talk about is broadband and, friends, I'm going to need your help here.
Okay – so like many of you I've read and heard about the money that's going to be pumped into New Zealand which will allow for ‘super-fast' broadband to even the most remote areas. According to government promises this is going to happen over about three years. Or maybe it's going to happen in three years, it's a little hard to ascertain. Whichever it is there was certainly a big noise about it and a whole bunch of promises.
What I want to say is this – forget the brilliant big picture plan of getting ‘super-fast' broadband to every remote cottage on the West Coast, how about starting with proper broadband coverage of New Zealand's major cities.
Yes, Tauranga, I'm talking about you!
As some readers may be aware, I relocated recently from the suburban charm of the Watusi Spiritual Retreat to the slightly more rural Watusi Country Club. I say ‘slightly more rural' but, in fact, the Country Club's secret location is a mere 12 minutes from the centre of Tauranga. Imagine my surprise then to find that, in this modern day and age, we have no broadband access.
This has made life rather tricky. I am – as should be fairly obvious – what is known as a ‘heavy user'. Or perhaps I should correct that. I was a heavy user. On my flash new dial-up connection I can't even watch clips on YouTube.
Incredible.
My first thought was that this is just affecting me. Well, me and everyone else living on this road, where Telecom have said they ‘might' do something to upgrade the wiring within the next three years. But then I asked around.
I talked to people who live in Wrights Road. That's the one on the left before Morton Estate if you're driving to Katikati. They can't get broadband either. Nor can the folk on Upland Road, which is just off Wrights Road.
They put together a petition to Telecom asking for their wiring to be upgraded so they could finally get broadband. Telecom declined. Apparently there are no plans for an upgrade because they are classified as 'Extreme Rural”. Extreme rural? We're not talking about the middle of the McKenzie Basin here, these are people living within five minutes of the main highway between Tauranga and Auckland. Extreme rural?
I put these questions to Dr Paul Reynolds, Telecom boss, the reassuring gentleman with the mellifluous Scottish accent who's been looking so embarrassed recently on television. Well I didn't really put the questions to him, but – with great difficulty given my halting dial-up connection – I emailed him. He was on National Radio trying to explain the current XT woes to Kathryn Ryan and claiming, in that believable Scottish way, that Telecom has a 'world-class broadband network”. So I figured this was the closest I'd get to actually talking to him and sent an email.
Coincidentally, it was the first one that Ms Ryan read out. It said: 'How can Paul Reynolds say that Telecom have anything approaching a ‘world-class' broadband network? I live 12 minutes from the centre of Tauranga and cannot get broadband. This is nonsense. Tauranga is the fifth biggest city in NZ, not some rural backwater. Telecom is a joke.”
His helpful answer was: 'Well you always get a few unhappy customers…”
So here's how you can help. Let us know if you can't get broadband. Then write to Simon Bridges. Or email him at parliament. He's our local MP and he likes animals. He is no doubt aware that Tauranga is the fifth biggest city in New Zealand. Tell him to beat Telecom with a large stick until they start recognising the Bay. How can it be that a decade into the 21st century the fifth biggest city in New Zealand has whole areas that don't get broadband? This is pathetic. Please help.