Roger, Your Rogers Rabbits column always makes me laugh and your tattooed tape measure is a very worthy idea.
You could become as famous as the 12th century King Henry 1 of England who decreed that the standard measurement of a 'foot” should be one-third the length of his arm which happened to be 36 inches long.
Old Hank knew how to become immortalised.
I do have one problem with your own personal measure - what happens when you get old age shrinkeage and your metre becomes 99 centimetres.
I guess by then with modern technology we will have all the handyman tools we need in our micro cellphones - including a fish-measurer.

Keep us laughing,
Robin Bishop, Pyes Pa.