Brian Rogers Rogers Rabbits www.sunlive.co.nz

In these troubled times of worldwide political turmoil, crazy gun-toting maniacs and a refugee crisis, many of you have some deep and vexing questions.

Such as, what the hell is a Pokemon?

Fortunately, Rogers Rabbits has the answers. They may not be the right ones, but they will be answers you can repeat to your friends with an air of confidence, if you think the conversation may be swinging dangerously close to Trump, Brexit or interest rates.

Anyone who grew up with black and white television, or no television at all, will never grasp the Pokemon concept. Which covers probably 90 per cent of RR readers.

We know this, because younger generations usually don't read more than 20 words before they need to see a picture. So we figure if you have read this far, you are very likely in the ‘old codger' category.

Rest assured, dear readers, that like many of you, I had successfully avoided the entire Pokemon dynasty without ever having to understand it…until, to my horror, I see they are making a comeback.

Pokemon aficionados tell me it is something to do with the nineties generation trying to recapture some nostalgia of their youth. To the rest of us, it's a disturbing concept that something we thought had finally been relegated to a silly idea would get a second life. Similar to the feeling of dismay should the Tamagotchi, chatter ring or Fran Wilde suddenly make a resurgence into popular usage. Okay, sorry I shouldn't have mentioned Fran Wilde out of left-field, so to speak. I can hear the gasps of dismay echoing around the village from those who remember Fran, not so much for being Wilde, just downright scary.

So suddenly we have these Pokemon things back in vogue.

Here's the Rogers Rabbits quick and easy explanation: Pokemon in the nineties was a Nintendo game and played on the original Game Boy.

So if you were a kid in the nineties you either had a Nintendo and played Pokemon, or you were a social outcast ridiculed and sneered at by your peers and now spend your days in the corner of The Big Room with small windows, weaving baskets.

The game soon branched out into video games, trading cards, cartoon TV, movies, comic books and toys.

Fortunately my children report a complete disdain for the characters, which could explain why I managed to sidestep the annoying little prats (Pokemons, not children) during the 1990s. (I still visit my children regularly in the Big Room).

Come back to haunt

Now 20 years after the release of the original games, the anniversary has been marked with release of a new game, Pokemon Go, which of course taps into the fervour of that misguided generation, who are now on the loose with cellphones and other ‘devices'.

The new game Pokemon Go, is a bold thrust into the realms of mobile games, available with a free download on Android and iOS. Translation: The game uses your phone's GPS and clock to detect where you are, when you are in the game, and makes characters – or Pokemons – appear to be around you. And please note, they collect a frightening amount of information about the users!

The characters are only on the phone screen, but don't tell that to the brain-warped generation who seem to think they are real. As the phone user moves around, they attempt to ‘catch' the characters that pop up in the strangest places, with the strangest attitudes, at the strangest times. A bit like Murray Guy only with bigger ears.

And as you'd expect, the PC brigade is hot on the heels of this demented generation of adults 'seeing” make-believe creatures. ACC has issued guidelines for Pokemaniacs to be safe while they are careering like mad bastards trying to poke a podgy naked retard.

ACC wants gamers to avoid injury.

'Keep your phone at your side when walking and be situationally aware,” say the accident preventers. 'Stay hydrated, wear suitable footwear and dress appropriately.”

The ACC even recommends warm up and stretching before hunting…and this line cracks me up: 'For some ole time gamers this'll the most physical they've been since playing pinball in the nineties.”

We have more sage advice for Poke Pokers: Put the friggin phone away and wake up to the real world! There's sky and trees and beaches and real people out there. The world must be warped when accident prevention agencies have to mount campaigns to stop people running into lamp posts or falling down holes while chasing imaginary beings on a miniature TV screen.

Hallucination generation

Now all this nonsense will be of little consolation to us more mature citizens, who despite all the impressive electronic wizardry involved, still find these Pokemons irritating little fat freaks.

It would be admirable, if it wasn't so horrifying – that a multimillion dollar company has not only successfully hypnotised an entire generation of children – it has now masterminded the mass hallucination of that generation of adults who are spending their time running around with telephones, chasing fictional blobs.

It would be the generational equivalent of old people believing that we really could be beamed up by Scottie to the Starship Enterprise; or running into phone boxes to reason with Dr Who. Or expecting a rocking horse to take us to the High Chaparral.



When of course, we all know, the rocking horse can't. (But Lassie could).







Well that explains for you, the uninitiated, how the world of Pokemon works.

Next week:

More investigation in the realms of fantasy, to examine the unique logical thought process, we dissect the brain of Wayne Barnes. If we can find it.

Must go now, the Tamagotchi has eaten one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.


brian@thesun.co.nz

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