Brian Rogers Rogers Rabbits www.sunlive.co.nz

I'm writing this to get out of yoga. Not that I mind yoga. Given the right participants, I can watch it for hours.

My wife and her friends do yoga and generally I'm too busy to get involved, such as immersed in column writing. As soon as I mentioned I didn't have anything to write for a column this week (because I've been too busy repelling pirates) she immediately responded I would therefore be able to ‘do' yoga with them.

This is where you people come in. I said I could not possibly fritter away valuable correspondence time with my valued readers, while reclined in the Constipated Dog position. Or whatever it is called.

So here we are, avoiding yoga and the Maserati position (or was it the Lotus position?) which I can only presume is flat out, since that is the best way to drive a Lotus.
Which brings me to the Repelling Pirates episode. It's not a particularly good story, but it's better than doing yoga.

Pirate pestilence

You thought they were an olden-days phenomenon, right? Well, there are some real live pirates careening around the coast, as we speak. And yes, they are literally, careening.

We encountered a bunch we know are pirates since they fly the Jolly Roger in a certain bay in a certain Coromandel Peninsula harbour. They have a handful of rickety boats of dubious seaworthiness and seem to live off the goodwill of the local people, off the bountiful ocean, and probably the long suffering tax and ratepayer, all while making a mess along the way.

They decided to attach themselves to a private, half-built, resource-consented jetty and were fairly reluctant to leave.

Illegally careening (scraping the hull) and leaving poisoned residues all over the seabed. Discharging oil and paint into the ocean. After a bit of discussion, never easy with pirates, they were eventually towed away by the local authorities.

But not before they, or some other ruthless freeloaders, stole or spilled all the summer water supply from a nearby home's only roof collection tank. Then they capsized a dinghy loaded with pirate junk, including wooden legs, cans of antifoul, leaving an oil/petrol/paint slick, like a Junior Rena disaster, over the nearby beach.

It was left to the locals to clean up most of the mess.

I don't know why the boating public put up with freeloaders like this. It's the nautical equivalent of squatters. They'll be sucking a benefit while living cheap; and desecrating the environment. They're a lot different from the majority of genuine, considerate, and environmentally-friendly boaties, who keep their natural surrounds and vessels in pristine order and pay their dues.

And while it may all seem harmless on the surface, it's under the surface that the real problems lie.

Where do the freeloaders toilet? In the harbour, of course. It's a well-known fact that the Pirate Code does not include a clause on holding tanks. And don't give me that nonsense about porta potties that they empty ashore at the correct facilities. That just doesn't happen. No folks, they're hanging their spotty piratey bottoms over the rail and dumping, where the fish live. Let's not kid ourselves.

I guess the point of this story, apart from to dodge yoga, is to say that we shouldn't put up with freeloading folk who trash our backyards, the streets, or our waterways, even if the authorities do their best despite PC do-goodie rules, to be able to properly kick their backsides. Which I guess leaves it up to us privateers to chase them around and clean up the mess.

Village pillage

Meanwhile, our own swashbuckling scribe, Hunter Wells, has raised the ire of a few readers with his tongue in cheek story last week on the shifting venue of the Bethlehem Lions Sunday Market, relocated to the Historic Village from this weekend.
One seething reader, Mike Winter, lashed out with an attack of epic proportions. One of the most entertaining tirades I've seen in nearly 40 years in publishing. It's too long to run here, but check it out on SunLive.

Warning: contains bad language, amusing spelling and atrocious grammar.

http://www.sunlive.co.nz/news/95320-write-up-paper-what-joke.html

More yoga

And just when we thought we'd dodged the yoga … here's something interesting. Well, if you need to sort out your inner self, that is.

David Sharp, a self-confessed avid Rogers Rabbits' reader, informs us that Sahaja Yoga Meditation classes have a stall at the new market at the Historic Village. They have a music group coming along to play tunes from all around the world.

There are also free meditation courses coming up at the Senior Citizens Hall on Tuesday evenings. (More inside this issue.)

We might be there, if I can coax the Constipated Dog into the Lotus.

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