It was a brilliant weekend on the water, sailing the clear blue waters off Mayor Island and beyond.

Many Bay boating families were out there, making the best of a fine, classic spring weekend, a rare treat for a Labour Weekend.
One incident noted: a young chap misbehaving on a boat and getting a disciplinary smack.
Presumably all the alternative methods of crew control at sea had been exhausted – keel-hauling, walking plank, feeding to sharks and withholding rum rations – and a slapping, as part of good parenting for correctional purposes, was the last resort.
So what if smacking is technically outlawed… if Sue Bradford wasn't there to see it, did it really happen?
Then it dawned … the law is only enforceable within New Zealand territorial waters and, being more than 12 miles offshore, the smacking law doesn't apply.
'This is your captain speaking. We are cruising at a speed of nine knots. We are approaching the limits of territorial waters. Once this vessel crosses that magical line on the map, your ass is mine, bitch.”
So theoretically, there's a whole new potential charter industry waiting to be launched.
The burgeoning demand, from the 88 per cent of voters who don't approve of the anti-smacking law, could be potential customers. What a boon for recession-hit charter operators!
They could fill their vessels with clients needing to take their children beyond the 12 mile limit for some good old fashioned walloping, followed by a little fishing. A great re-bonding opportunity after the tough love has been administered.
Remember, if you are out on a boat all day in the blazing sun: Slip, slap, slap some more, and slop.
A quick check of the GPS reveals a dotted line at 12.01 nautical miles, at which a whole range of otherwise illicit activity may occur; smacking, bondage to the mast, whipping crew, and short term marriages of convenience by the skipper (valid only for the duration of the voyage).
Also, the skipper may drive the boat AND talk on his mobile telephone.

Hands-off
Speaking of which, driving a vehicle and talking on a handheld cellphone becomes illegal on Sunday. Shame that other distractions, such as smoking and dangling dice and things from the rear view mirror aren't also banned.
The cellphone law will come as a weeny surprise to the idiots out there who think they can text and drive. But probably not to the woman in the white Mitsubishi who drove the Route K expressway at 80km/h on Tuesday morning with no hands on the wheel – they were both needed for tying her hair in a bun. People with those skill levels are clearly capable of almost anything.
Oh yes, they drive among us.
Unfortunately I don't have a photograph, although the camera was on the passenger seat beside me. Oddly enough, I decided my hands and attention were best kept focused on driving.
Over the years we've all seen stupidity from drivers; eating pies and other food, map reading, applying make up, shaving, book reading, fiddling with stereos and CDs and even watching DVDs.

Driven to distraction
If you have any snapshots of clowns and incredibly stupid driving, send them to us at the Sun. we'll make them famous.
Meanwhile, the AA has stated that it's not the phone that is dangerous, it's the conversation.
Road safety spokesman Mike Noon said the best way to drive with a cellphone was to turn it off.
'It's the conversation that's the distraction. It is very bad advice to be talking on the phone while driving because you're not scanning ahead, you're not concentrating fully on the conditions and what is happening around you. Driving and talking is still dangerous.”
If that is the case, it should also be illegal to have passengers in your car; or at least, to talk to them.
Surely there is no difference in distraction level between a person on a phone and a person in the car?
Especially if the conversation is between a driver and someone in a back seat. Therefore, all car passengers should be gagged.
And what about eye contact – how much more distracting is a real person, (or someone closely resembling a real person such as Karen the TV1 weathergirl) making eye contact and using body language, compared to a faceless voice on the end of a phone?
Therefore it makes sense that really attractive people, such as my wife, shouldn't be allowed in cars, lest they distract the driver and cause excessive eye contact and ogling from the driver's eyeballs.
If we believe what we see in the movies (which is where most NZers learn their driving skills) it is possible to drive across three American states while conversing with your passenger, staring them dead in the eye (or other features) and not looking out the windscreen once.
Then there are conversations that occur between drivers of separate vehicles. The three most common car-to-car conversations around our region's streets:
1. Where did you get your licence? A Weetbix packet?
2. Don't you know how to indicate?
3. Get out of the fast lane, you – ‘person who frequently has inappropriate physical relations with one's maternal parent'
And what about the drivers who talk to themselves? – Worse, the ones who argue with themselves. It happens to me all the time. No it doesn't. Yes, it does.
And finally, speaking of personality disorders, it was a relief to hear in the news this week that one doesn't have to be a murderer to be a psychopath, or a psychopath to be a murderer. Never having (knowingly) killed anyone, for a while there, I thought there was something wrong with us.
Turns out, we're just normal, life-loving, caring and sharing psychopaths.
Now, get out of my way.