Well a couple of problems actually.

Problem 1. Why is it, that all you female twoleggers get all sentimental over a frisky fraulien?
My little cuzz Ady gets taken for a walk down to the local bank and all the female tellers invite her in, she does not even have to take off her sunglasses and beanie. They give her all sorts of attention and treats. Puh!
So I figured if she can make a withdrawal from the BNZ Bank, I could make a withdrawal from the Food Bank.
Yet when I go for a stroll across the railway lines to the food bank, they look at me aghast, and will not even let me repose myself on their door step.
Things are not quite right as, I am only to happy to leave a deposit if they let me make a withdrawal, in which order could be debatable though. Or is that with-drool?
Come on ladies if you think you have an issue with a 40kg Chocolate Labrador, you should read on.

My carbon impact
Problem 2: The boss has just handed me a report (this could have come from the X files) that insults the canine world, and a total waste of money as well.
Victoria University professors Brenda and Robert Vale, who are architects specialising in sustainable living ( hope they made enough money out of this rubbish to buy themselves a new kaftan each) say pet owners should swap their pets for edible animals like chickens and rabbits.
This couple have assessed the carbon emissions created by popular pets, and have come up with this theory…. If you have a German Shepard or a similar sized dog (great counts me out) it has the same carbon impact as driving around in a large SUV.
And here is the trivia to back up their claims…
They have calculated a medium dog eats 164kg of meat and 95kg of cereal, (they have to say cereal), all this relates to 0.84 hectares of land to feed, damned if I know how this was calculated.
Anyway, this is compared to the carbon foot print of a Toyota Land Cruiser driven 10,000 km a year, and uses 58.1 gigajoules of energy to build it and run it, now 1 hectare of land can produce 135 gigajoules a year so the eco foot print of the Land Cruiser is 0.41, less than half the canine's.
Well if that is not all bull, I don't know what is.
Now I wonder what Helen would have done about this, first the cows now the dogs, no wonder the bloke in Auckland was caught frying his pet a few weeks ago, he was an 'Eco Warrior.”
Now enough is enough of all these calculations, my head is starting to hurt and the boss has just gone running from the room complaining about one of my carbon emissions.
Alrighty folks let's get our teeth into something a little meatier, and talk about my good mate Johnny the Aussie Butcher in Gate Pa, now this boy has all the treats of the meaty persuasion you twoleggers need, so get on in and see him, and check out his foot print, as you know what they say about human males with big feet.

'Corned silverside'

With creamy onion sauce
Ingredients
2kg piece corned silverside
1 medium onion, halved
6 black peppercorns
1 carrot, chopped
1 teaspoon brown sugar
1 tablespoon brown vinegar
Creamy onion sauce
60g butter
1 large onion, chopped
1½ tablespoons plain flour
500ml milk
2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley

Method
Place silverside in large pan, cover with cold water, bring to boil, drain. Cover silverside again with cold water, add onion, peppercorns, carrot, sugar and vinegar.
Bring to boil, cover and simmer for two hours, skimming occasionally. Remove silverside from pan, drain well; discard vegetables and peppercorns. Stand silverside five minutes before slicing. Serve with creamy onion sauce.
For the creamy onion sauce, heat butter in pan, add onion and cook, stirring, until very soft. Stir in flour, cook until bubbling. Remove from heat, gradually stir in milk, stir over heat until sauce boils and thickens, stir in parsley.
Serves 6 to 8.

'Tropical escape'

Ingredients
3oz bourbon whiskey
1 oz mango puree
Splash cranberry juice
Splash orange juice

Method
Add all ingredients to cocktail or martini glass.
Garnish with an orange slice.

Well that's all from me folks, and as I have a headache trying to make sense of the tripe above, I am going to lie in the sun.