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Brian Rogers Rogers Rabbits www.sunlive.co.nz |
This week the RR research team sent a couple of operatives deep into foreign territory to assess the future leadership prospects for the country.
Under the guise of hosting a three-day 10th birthday party, we delved into the minds and motivations of a bunch of nine and 10 year olds to see how well society is nurturing and challenging the thought processes of this upcoming generation.
And we have to report that the picture is not pretty.
Although in considering future leadership potential, the nine year olds weren't far behind current political performance in terms of levels of debauched actions and twisted thinking.
At least they weren't considering stooping to the lows we have witnessed lately; such as fraud, perversion, sex changes or forging documents to gain the identity of a dead baby.
Ironically, the best answers to our series of questions actually came from the six year old, who had a much better grasp on the issues facing the country and the world. Probably better than most politicians and possibly more sensible than some of the adults asking the questions.
Perhaps that's a subject matter for a future column: Why six year olds should run the world.
In the meantime, in case you were considering throwing the reign of power to anyone under the age of ten, here's a few reminders of why that's a dangerous idea.
When asked, what would you do if you were prime minister?
Answers:
Get vodka. Give the army every holiday off. Have no school. Send teachers to the coal mines for slavery. And they don't get vodka.
Have you ever tried vodka?
No.
Yes, said one. In Fiji.
Then out of blue, one came up with this stunning observation (presumably about being the youngest ever sloshed PM)
'I'd be the sexiest man alive.”
John Key is doing a good job, but our ideas are better.
What else is important in parliament?
Good posture.
The questions then turned to issues about the environment. The first recommendation was that a party should be sent out to kill all the eels; and the people who drink vodka. Apes would rule the world. Every dog would not have a lead and could run around free.
What about solving the world financial crisis?
Drink vodka.
(The questioneers then banned all answers involving vodka.)
There was general consensus that NZ needed to be bigger; that Tasmania should be invaded by NZ and all the Australians kicked out.
A more serious answer to the financial question was to have a national scavenger hunt to find the remains of Michael Jackson's nose then sell it on trade me.
What is wrong with Michael Jackson?
He's dead.
What about Justin Bieber?
Justin Bieber needs to be put into space. So does Britney Spears. Britney can live on Mars, but Justin Bieber doesn't even get a planet. He can have Pluto because it's not a planet. Put him in a wormhole.
On Rena: Fix the holes with giant corks. Vacuum up all the water and squirt it out and keep the oil.
What would improve your parents?
Tell them to eat the carrots and celery. We'll have the steaks. Medium-rare.
What's wrong with vegetables?
They make you fat. Carrots can stay, but we'd nuke all the others. Oh no, except tomatoes, because we'd need tomatoes for tomato sauce.
Then in a flashback to a previous question:
Britney can go to another planet, but Coldplay can come here.
Looking to the future, what will you be doing in 30 years?
I will invent the hover car. Call it the Flypad.
After I've been a rugby player, I'll be a chef and really good at cooking.
I'm going to own my own monkey.
A soccer player and a zoo keeper.
Will you be married with children?
No. We don't like them.
My children would have to pay me to be their dad.
What sort of wife do you think you'll marry?
A hot one.
Then came probably the most sensible response from the panel.
"I think you're going to win an award for this article."
