Brian Rogers Rogers Rabbits www.sunlive.co.nz

Newsflash: Investigators uncover Lord Lucan, Amelia Earhart and Elvis

The long-missing persons were located this week when it was realised that Osama bin Laden, the world's most wanted man, lived for years right under the noses of Pakistan's military and they supposedly didn't have a clue.

Consequently, researchers have taken a closer look in Pakistan and uncovered the following items:
The wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.
The Mary Celeste crew.
Several white cats called Fluffy.
USS Cyclops.
Space Family Robinson.
Flight 19
Route K's missing toll income.
Mark Hotchin's conscience.
Rodney Hide's balls.
The person who left the milk out of the fridge.
The G Spot
Most of the dinosaurs.
A wide variety of missing socks.
The meatball from on top of
Old Smokey (all covered in cheese).

The Pakistani military say they had no idea all that stuff was hidden there; although did wonder why there was a robot wandering the streets flailing its arms and shouting 'Warning, warning Will Robinson: pull out of Hanover.”
Revelations that Pakistan holds the key to many of the world's most infamous missing pieces, has created a stampede of people heading there hoping to solve life-long mysteries.
Abbotabad has been tipped as the setting for the next episodes of 'Lost” and rumours are abound that it will feature Azaria Chamberlain and a cameo appearance by the dingo.
It may also be the hiding place of the elusive Tauranga City rate cuts.
Sir Walter Raleigh is said to be kicking himself for not looking down the road a bit from Abbotabad to find El Dorado.
NASA now expects to locate its real moon landings there somewhere, which means it can finally stop showing us the faked ones.
The rock band U2 have renewed hope that they may yet Find What They're Looking For; although haven't disclosed exactly what it is. Bono is reported to be upbeat however, that it is in Pakistan somewhere.

Sarah Ferguson expects her Royal Wedding invitation to show up somewhere in the backblocks of Karachi.
Cheap motels in Pakistan have been overrun with country singers now hoping to find their long lost wimmin/dawg/mule/pickup truck.
Barry Manilow arrived on the first flight, looking for 'you” and expects soon to be able to smile, laugh, sing and do anything, again.
Hone Harawira thinks it's the answer to finding some public support; and as the Sun went to press, Paris Hilton is reported to be en route to Islamabad, in search of some class.

Poll for Hon. Hone
And speaking of the Honourable Hone, thanks to the many alert readers who have sent versions of this email that's been widely distributed around the country this week:

Dear Sir, It appears the Honourable member for Te Tai Tokerau is gaining a groundswell of support like no other far North candidate in the history of NZ Politics. No where is it more evident than in the recent poll circulating Maori circles over the last week. I am sure your readers will find it most enlightening.

The Poll asked:
'To show your support for the MP Hone Harawira and the job he is doing to achieve MMP (More Maori in Parliament) thus bringing NZ together, please scroll right to the bottom and add your name to the end of the list that has been circulated amongst every Iwi outside of the far North over the last week and forward to friends and whanau.
1. Titiwhai Harawira
2.