Dive Right In with Gwyn Brown from Tauranga Dive

I was walking Spot yesterday, on a lead of course – don't want the customers complaining or being frightened.

Because Spot's a bit menacing-looking, and I did some pondering on the impending doom of the dog. It seems that no matter where you go there are restrictions on dogs.

Only some parks allow dogs, and only some beaches, and they have to be on a lead; and you have to carry a plastic bag for ‘you know what'.

The worst, of course, is seeing someone swinging a full plastic bag because you know what's in it. Hey lady, I wouldn't be swinging that bag around like that.

Some dog owners even tie the bag onto the dog's collar and let them carry their mess around, till they find a bin, or not.

You know the dog knows what's in it too, just look at their faces. I also pondered what that would feel like if we humans had owners and we went for walkies, and then had our owner tie our mess around our necks. Hopefully Mrs B won't read this, she often takes me for a walk.

Anywho, as I was walking Spot around the shop I pondered how long it would be before people just gave up on the humble dog and went with a pet that didn't have so many rules attached.

Not to mention the council's fee just for owning a dog. Cats, don't mention cats! Cats don't have any fees, or noise control callouts for meowing. Or council staff saying: ‘Hey lady, that's a dangerous breed of cat'. Unless you own a lion, or a tiger of course. Probably too soon to make jokes about them.

Anywho, Spot was getting a bit uppity after the third circuit of the shop, and out of breath too. He's pretty unfit for a crayfish, but it occurred to me that owning a different kind of pet has its advantages. For example, did you know the Department of Conservation has banned all dogs from their camping grounds? Not just big dogs like your man-eater kind, but your labradoodle-cross-sharpee-cross-bichon fris? Which technically isn't really a dog, more of a hybrid lab experiment. Naturally your Chihuahua is a huge threat to ankles everywhere, even a Kiwi's ankles I suppose. But in their defense, DOC can't be sending staff round every tent measuring each dog so size restrictions wouldn't really work. ‘No Mr DOC officer, I assure you he's not dangerous, he's just mouthing your hand; it's his way of playing'.

Spot's not on any dangerous or banned list either. I can take him anywhere I like, even into restaurants. He's not really a seeing eye crayfish but that doesn't matter because even though he's a bit grumpy like a badly behaved dog, he's not really a dog. So it's all good, and he doesn't bark well either. Sometimes I wonder why I have him. Wetas make good pets too, especially for old people. They don't really move that fast so walking them would be easy. And you can freeze them and they thaw out okay too, so all good for the winter when the old person can't pay their power bill. Because they are left to their own devices when they get old, unlike almost every other country in the world where parents are appreciated and looked after when they get old. Gone too far again with this line of thought.

Anywho, I think we may be seeing a change in pet trends soon. You can take your pet pig to the beach, doesn't even have to be on a lead either – and there's no council pig-owning fee. Personally, I wouldn't take Spot to the beach. He doesn't like the sand that much, keeps heading for the water. Not sure why.

So, if you need any advice on owning crayfish as pets, or pigs, or wetas, come down to Tauranga Dive and ask away. Not chickens though, that's Mrs B's domain. She's the original crazy chicken lady. Not expecting a long walk tonight.