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Brian Rogers Rogers Rabbits www.sunlive.co.nz |
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We've said it before and we'll say it again – public sale of fireworks should be banned.
Here's another reason, as if we needed any more: Jo Wilson and her family are lucky to be alive after a carload of dickheads fired fireworks at their Bethlehem house, setting it ablaze. They evacuated with their young daughter and just managed to get their dogs out of the flaming shed. A neighbourly policeman helped put out the fire. But it was a close thing. Police are investigating, but Jo's family reckon the incident needs more attention and public assistance – and so do we. Rogers Rabbits urges anyone who knows anything about this, to front up. 
If you have any information about people firing fireworks at houses in Bethlehem before 10pm on Thursday, November 24, or saw a dark, old BMW 5 Series being driven by a group of young males around the Castlewold Drive area please contact your nearest police station. Information can also be provided anonymously via Crimestoppers on 0800 555 111. Let's stop this firework nonsense before more property is damaged, more animals panic, more sleep is lost at ridiculous hours of the day and night; and before more people are injured or killed by reckless fireworks mayhem. Time for a region-wide ban.
A trip down Shady Lane
And while we're on the trail of delinquents, here's another sign of bad behaviour y'all might be able to help with. The good people of Shady Lane are tired of losing their street sign. It seems the rural road label is a popular target to be ‘souvenired' and it commonly goes missing at this time of the year. Unfortunately, it's the same time of the year the locals have visitors who have trouble finding their way without a street sign. The road also tends to have boyracers frequenting the lane, doing burnouts and donuts. Not the same threat level as having your house nearly burnt down, but darned annoying just the same. If you know anyone with a Shady Lane street sign, or ill-gotten signage for that matter, dob them in to the Rogers Rabbits Street Sign Restoration Programme. We've declared December an amnesty on stolen street stuff, so come on dudes, come clean! Drop your illicit signs, traffic lights, road cones, parking wardens and any other naughty souvenirs at 1 The Strand. Anonymously if you wish. We'll get them returned to their rightful positions. Particularly Shady Lane, as it would be a great Christmas present for the long-suffering locals. If you want to dob in a habitual signage purloiner, email me a snapshot and some damning evidence, and we'll make an example of them and point some retribution in the right direction!
Email: [email protected]
Incidentally, the most-commonly stolen signs include Abbey Road in England, thanks presumably to Beatles' fans; Stoner Avenue in Minnesota; Shitterton in Dorset; F**king, Austria; Mile Marker 66.6, New Jersey; Bat Cave, North Carolina; Butt Hole Road, England; Katie's Crotch Road, Maine; and Richard Bong State Recreation Area, Wisconsin. Hell, Michigan is a frequent target, and its namesake in Norway. Condom in France has had to take extra precautions; the council sign installers at Intercourse, Pennsylvania are tired of being screwed over; and Justin Beiber Way in Texas was named when an 11-year-old girl won a contest to be Mayor for a Day. The sign was promptly stolen, apparently by disapproving ratepayers. There's a beach in California that regularly loses its highway sign. There's nothing particularly amusing or smutty about Bolinas, it's just that the locals want to keep tourists and rowdy visitors away…so they've repeatedly torn down the sign at the turnoff on State Highway 1. In New Zealand, our own Shag Point sees more than its share of dubious activity. Rotorua's most replaced road sign is reportedly Waiotahi Loop Rd. Not because it is regularly souvenired…but because tourists keep running it over. Auckland regularly replaces the street signs in Bathurst Rd and Commodore Drive. Melrose Place and Shortland St seem popular amongst serial sign stealers. There's often something suspicious going down at Muff Rd, Canterbury. And a Blenheim man was prosecuted a few years ago after snatching the Beaver Rd street sign.
Parting thought
The very clever scientist people at GNS have calculated exactly how much the earthquake in the middle of the country has changed our little nation. They can tell that the east coast of the lower North Island has shifted west by up to 5cm. The rest of the North Island has also shifted incrementally. The north-east tip of the South Island has moved by more than two metres and lifted almost a metre. Cape Campbell is now two metres closer to the North Island than it was before. GNS scientists used GPS to reveal the shifts – and they say the results are astonishing. Now my wife wants to know: Since we are closer to Australia, is it cheaper to fly to Brisbane?
