14:30:16 Friday 22 August 2025

The night the possum stood still

I am not so egotistical that I cannot take the mickey out of myself and this story will warm the cockles of the Roman sandal kaftan wearing brigade.

I thought my days were numbered and the story goes like this…
The bosses and I headed up the coast to our retreat in the bush on Sunday and as we have not visited the place for a while, the rodent population had got slightly out of hand. Being the red blooded boy I am, I knew it was my duty to clean the place up and rid the retreat of all the unwelcome visitors.
The boat had not even hit the beach and I was off. Yahoo! I was in my element. After running around in the bush for an hour, it was finally dark and I heard the boss calling me in the distance, so off home I headed only to see him, shot gun in hand, standing on the deck. To me this looked pretty bloody exciting.
Next thing pellets were flying through the tree tops and dirty rotten possums were hitting the ground. (He must have been practicing or Scotty from Broncos has been giving him lessons - like opening his eyes.) This was a hell of a lot of fun but the hours moved on and the old fella was starting to drag the chain, so he headed home leaving the last possum hanging in a tree. You know it is not in my nature to leave anything that resembles food lying around, so I marked the spot (doggy style) and headed home with him, knowing I would return later.
And I did; sitting under the tree barking away as I knew the pesky varmint was still alive. Much to my chagrin a rustling of leaves, a loud bump and a lot of scurrying, and the mobile slipper was off - with me in hot pursuit. If I could bring the critter back whole, I could make a hat like Daniel Boone's for the boss for Christmas.
The race was on, side stepping trees, hurtling through blackberry bushes, and generally doing what great retrievers do. All of a sudden my precious paws were not on the ground and I was plummeting through the air with visions of my last night with Fifi rushing through that space between my ears. That bloody possum had tricked me and had thrown in a side step that Christian Cullen would have been proud of in his heyday.
I hit the mud flats with a spectacular belly flop (to which I might add the Russian judge would have scored with a perfect 10 at the platform diving). Unfortunately I realised I was now in a little bother as I was stuck between two rather large rocks and could not escape. With the tide coming in, to my embarrassment I knew I was in trouble, so the only thing left to do was bark constantly, as I knew the Boss man would miss me eventually. (Well I hoped.) The only thing I could do was watch the moon move across the night sky and howl at it.
Finally an apparition appeared, dressed in lurid striped boxers. Seeing the boss in his night attire, I thought it may be more prudent to be stuck in the mud but self-preservation won the day. Watching him scramble down the cliff face to haul me out of my predicament, I realised that man is a dog's best friend. Even I got all watery eyed. Thanks boss, I owe you one. Not many people would get out of a warm bed at two o'clock in the morning to rescue someone. Boss you are the man!
Now as you can imagine, the next day I was feeling very sorry for myself with my dignity dented and did not leave the man's side all day.
Be very aware you mangy critters, I will not fall (oops excuse me) for that one again and in those immortal words from the governor of California, 'I'll be back.”
On to more exciting things. Talking about my mate Johnny the Aussie Butcher in Gate Pa, I bet he would not have been fooled like this chasing his staff around his chillers. Johnny has let me know that if you place your orders for Christmas hams and the old stuffed turkey they will be here by the big day, so get in quick and have a chat with him. Johnny has rolled roast beef on special this week, which is perfect on the barbecue, so be in quick.

'Marinated Rotisserie Rolled Roast Beef'

Ingredients
1 2kg rolled roast beef
3 cups white wine
2 onions, sliced
¾ cup oil
4 cloves garlic, minced
2 Tbsp butter
1 tsp salt
1 tsp black pepper
1 tsp celery seeds
1 tsp sage
1 tsp thyme

Method
Combine wine, oil, garlic and herbs together. Place beef roast and onions in a large resealable bag. Pour marinade mixture over top and seal. Refrigerate for up 24 hours. Preheat grill. Place roast on rotisserie spit, making sure to get it as balanced as you can. Secure tightly and place on grill over a high heat. Reduce heat after 15 minutes. Continue cooking until done, about 1 hour 45 minutes. Meanwhile pour 2 cups of the marinade into a saucepan. Bring to the boil. Remove from heat and add butter. Baste roast with mixture every 30 minutes during the cooking time.

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