Fans of this column will be pleased to hear that I'm considering expanding into film, television, merchandising and promotional opportunities.

For starters, I see great potential for a reality TV show, featuring Diesel's Dining Disasters. Also Canine Culinary Catastrophes.
If Piha Rescue can make a DVD about doofuses constantly getting in trouble in the surf and long suffering lifesavers feeling they have to pull them out over and over again; then I can produce a DVD titled: ‘Annoy Cats and Survive'; a video version of my recent column, ‘How To Stalk a Picnic'; and that all time classic, from my best seller paperback, ‘How To Win Schmackos and Influence Butchers.'
My other bestseller, the story of a flying dog fighter pilot, 'Diggles” would also make a great movie.
Then there's the tee shirt industry. I thought I had this sewn up.
Except I was flabbergasted to see that someone has already cornered this market. ‘Diesel' tee shirts, hats and shoes have been hornswaggled by black marketers! Is there no integrity amongst business people these days?
My sports shoe brand, Adogidas, has already been pirated too.
My fast food chain, McDogalds, has some great new products coming out soon. My favourite is The Yappy Meal. It's best served on bone china.
I'm expecting great things from my watch brand, Dogtag Heuer.
And the perfumes, Christian D'og, Kennel No.5, and one from my mate 'Mullet the mongrel” up in Henderson: Westee Lauder.
Then there's my big red bulk discount stores chain.
Slogan: 'The Doghouse, Where every gets a bark in.”
Meanwhile, keep your eyes peeled for that first DVD feature film, with the handsome Chocolate Crusader and the dashing butcher in the stripy apron.
It will star my good friend John, the Aussie Butcher and is a thriller in his chiller.
And speaking of John boy's chiller, he's whipped out some extra special specials this week and we've some blockbuster recipes to go with them.

Tickle me pickled

Ingredients
1.5kg piece pickled port
1 onion, quartered
1 tsp peppercorns
1 bay leaf
4 cloves
2 Tbsp cider vinegar
1 Tbsp brown sugar
1 savoy cabbage, cut into thick wedges

Mustard sauce

Ingredients
25g butter
½ onion, finely chopped
1 Tbsp plain flour
1 cup beef stock
½ cup pickling liquid
1tsp each Dijon, grained and hot English
mustard
¼ cup cream
2 Tbsp parsley, chopped

Method
Place pork in a large pot and cover with water. Bring to the boil and skim. Add onions, peppercorns, bay leaf, cloves, vinegar, brown sugar and cabbage. Simmer until very tender, approximately 2.5 hours.
To make the sauce, melt butter in a saucepan. Add onion and cook over low heat until clear. Add flour and cook until it bubbles. Gradually add the beef stock and pickling liquid.
Cook until mixture thickens. Stir in mustard and cream. Simmer 2-3 minutes.
Remove pork from pot. Slice and serve with the sauce. Sprinkle with parsley. Serve with steamed potatoes, green beans and steamed carrots.
Till next week, be careful out there and stay out of trouble. And if you can't, at least follow my example and look good doing it.