It's been a big week at the burrow bureau, RR headquarters. We have simultaneously tried to fight winter, the recession and the cold and flu season.

I realised the flu fight was lost when Claire came down with a nasty lurgy. That included laryngitis, which meant I fell asleep with a beautiful woman but woke up with Rod Stewart.
It could be worse. I heard another family was struck with the same throaty affliction; the guy awoke to his wife doing Sammy Davis Jnr impressions.
And speaking of song and dance, it's time we gave serious thought to who will fill those important roles in New Zealand – participants for the next series of Dancing with the Stars and Stars in Their Eyes.
Our first nominees for the dancing role; a couple of celebrities who probably have some time on their hands.
MP Richard Worth could pair up with Melissa Lee, Mount Albert's National candidate. Melissa is renowned for fancy footwork, being very flexible and even being able to put both feet in her mouth at the same time. Both are short of work and Richard will be keen especially if Melissa wears something transparent. He will have to lead, because she prefers to come second.
Tamati will have to dance again, to defend his title. Rumour has it he'd rather be partnered with Stefano.

Singing stars
In Stars in Their Eyes, David Bain, an accomplished singer, was going to perform Please Release Me; but after last week, he'll sing that old Crystal Gayle tune, Making Up for Lost Time.
Richard Worth was hoping to sing Long Korean Woman in a Black (see-through) Dress then considered the Natasha Bedingfield number, My Seoul Mate.
He also considered One Little Two Little Three Little Indians, but couldn't find one that was keen.
He finally settled on the Pink Cream song: Is it Something I Said or Something I Did?
Which has John Key practising the Ella Fitzgerald rendition of: Gonna Wash that Man Right out of my Hair.
Phil Goff is following with the Goo Goo Dolls: Can't Let it Go.
Leo Gao is sticking with: Leaving on a Jet Plane … and his encore, Take the Money and Run.

‘Bainful' jokes
Oh dear, the Bain jokes have started. It didn't take long. It is disgusting and incredibly bad taste. Lines such as:
Rumours are David Bain is now considering a career in photography – specialising in family shots.
If you have any more of these tasteless examples, send them to me, and we'll do our best to stomp them out.
While Key and Goff are busy arguing about how naughty Richard Worth might be for texting naughty thoughts to women, I have one question: Who is running the country?
Surely there are more important things for our politicians to do than squabble over this nonsense. Worth is gone. He's toast. Get on with it.

Ratings
Meanwhile, avid reader Thomas writes, saying he's 'cheesed off with the cheek of that Evans councillor,” not paying his rates.
'So I've come up with a few Evans and rate-related one-liners.

Invertebrate: lacking the spine to pay your rates.
Vertebrate: simultaneously having the spine to take your salary from rates.
Berate: what a thinking public will do to Cr Evans next election.
Rateapocrisy: setting rates others must pay, but not paying them yourself.
Gyrate: from the old English ‘Guyrate' meaning the twists and turns of pick six team-mate, Murray Guy, desperate to make excuses for Evans' non-payment.
Cr Evans favourite saying: I was going to pay my rates evan-tually.
Rateabull: the various explanations offered by Cr Evans, ranging from financial hardship to supposed disputes with Council (what, on all three properties?)
How did Cr Evans feel when the public found him out? Irate!
What song inspired Cr Guy's defending Cr Evans but attacking the whistleblower? Simple Twist of Rate!
Did you hear about Cr Evan's trip to America? Yeah, he got it at a special rate!
Inconsiderate: the very idea that Cr Evans would consider paying for legal action to find out who rightly blew the whistle on his debts, rather than just getting on and paying them.
brian@thesun.co.nz