Most people do not want to talk about their death and post-mortem wishes when they are young, but there are so many reasons to have that conversation, and to write a will.

Couple Jay* and Rachel* have found out the hard way what happens when a loved one dies without a will.

When Jay’s sister Lizzy* died suddenly aged just 39, leaving behind two young children, they searched the house for some indication of what her wishes were.

“We were in this grieving process and we didn’t know what to do,” Rachel said. “We were just hoping and hoping something would eventuate, and it didn’t.

“We were really looking for some guidance around what are her wishes? What does she want [done] with her possessions?

“And we were really left holding the bag. We couldn’t find a will.”

Things got worse.

Lizzy had been separated from her husband for a year, and both partners had new relationships. But in the eyes of the law, they were within the two-year legal separation period, so they were still officially married – and everything went to her former spouse.

“Unfortunately she had this loose end. Due to a loophole that he was able to exploit, he was able to take all of her estate, and rob their two kids of their inheritance.”

That included a new, substantial life insurance policy clearly meant for the children.

Rachel said the children have been left with no mother, no security, and no inheritance.

She said the ex lawyered up, and the law was on his side.

They do not know if anything has been set aside for their niece and nephew, but they do know the former husband has suddenly acquired big-ticket items including a boat, a car and a house.

He has custody of his children and Rachel believes they will benefit from these things, but she does not think it is fair to be spending up large while they are minors.

If there had been a will, she said: “We would have been able to grieve a bit more, because we would have had the clarity of how to navigate this whole messy situation. It’s really torn our family apart in a lot of ways.

“We want what’s best for the kids, and we don’t know what she wanted. We’re not mind readers.”

Monday marked the start of Wills Week, where the spotlight is shone on why you shouldn’t put off this most vital of life admin tasks.

Cat Simpson from the Public Trust said there were costs, procedures and pitfalls involved when drawing up – or putting off – a will.

If you have more than $15,000 in assets (don’t forget to count KiwiSaver), if you’re married, have had children, got divorced; if you have gold bars stashed under the floorboards or cash in the mattress that no one knows about; if you have a family heirloom stashed somewhere secret; or want all your money given to cat causes: you should have a will.

But about half of adult New Zealanders don’t have a will, which Simpson described as “quite startling” when you think about how important it is.

About one in 10 people do not have a will when they die.

“I’d say there’s an invincibility among younger New Zealanders, [who think] ‘I don’t need to think about it, it’s not time yet’. We did some research recently and one in five people over 55 said it was just too emotionally hard to talk about it; they didn’t want to talk about it with their loved ones, they didn’t want to talk about it with us. It’s just a big topic.

“It’s a real shame because actually not doing it is a burden on your family. I like to think of writing a will as being the greatest gift you can give to people once you’ve gone.”

*Names have been changed to protect the identities of children involved.

RNZ