Christmas gifts tinged with sadness 

Maria, Daniel and Brenda Anderson. Photo: John Borren/SunLive.

'It was thinking from another time. He believed women created drama and chitter-chattered too much,” says Brenda Anderson of her Dad Des.

She laughs about it now, and forgives him, because despite that thinking, Des raised his four daughters to be headstrong, opinionated, no nonsense go-getters.

Des also believed women had no place in his beloved, and, at the time, men-only Mount Maunganui Lions club.

'He quite often said: ‘If you want the job done, look for the busiest person, and in his mind, that was more often than not himself, or a bunch of other men.”

He acknowledged the 'great support” of the Lionesses, the women's wing of the Lions Clubs, but no, they didn't belong in his club.

And in 2012 when the club voted on breaking down barriers, admitting women, he voted against it. Brenda rolls her eyes and chuckles. 'It was so like him – going against the grain, standing up for what he believed.”

Des' vote was a losing vote; and when the club threw open its doors to women, Brenda Anderson, his daughter, was the first to march through.

'Dad was so excited, he signed me up.”

But why would Brenda Anderson join a club where some members, including her Dad, were staunch on segregation. 'Because he had moved on. He didn't see any point angsting about something he couldn't change.”

And there was a curious contradiction because what Des espoused in the Lion's lair was different to what happened at home. Despite his hoary old attitude to women, Des Anderson empowered his four girls.

'He had his opinions and he made sure we had ours. We didn't have to agree.”

Dream big

And he challenged his daughters to dream big. Two of the girls, Brenda and Maria, he called the Disney sisters because they were the fanciful and creative ones, the dreamers.

And when Brenda dared to dream big, she came up with the Make a Child Smile Christmas present concept – gathering hundreds of gifts for kids who might otherwise miss out.

'In some sad cases adults would find enough money for alcohol, but nothing for food and presents.”

It was Brenda's Dad Des with his ‘let's make it happen' attitude who was the driving force behind Make A Child Smile. That was 10 years ago and they're still making it happen.

Then last week at Pyes Pa, a gun salute sounded, a volley of shots, and there was a haka. Tears were shed and Make a Child Smile had lost a champion. And the Disney sisters had lost a dad. Des Anderson was dead at 82.

The story about under-privileged, wide-eyed kids opening unexpected Christmas gifts was now a eulogy. 'We're heartbroken,” says Brenda.

Now stories of the man are being shared, like Des being a schoolboy crusader for fairness and justice. 'He formed a gang of vigilantes as a senior at Sacred Heart in Auckland and told young kids being bullied to come see him and he would sort it.”

He did. Bullying stopped.

The Catholic, dyed-in-the-wool National party supporter was also an adventurer and at 21 joined the elite SAS fighting force. He became a paratrooper and an explosives expert, and in his spare time a commercial pilot. Desmond Anderson was a driven man.

By 25 he was flying for an American air cargo company in Vietnam where he would meet a pretty young woman called Kim Rang, would marry, have six children and return to New Zealand.

There were difficulties and prejudices. 'I remember kids at school saying: ‘Chinese, Japanese, you wear nappies' and all that sort of nonsense. And I remember thinking ‘hullo… I am Vietnamese'.”
But Des taught her to rise above the racism, and the sexism. 'He would talk about people he respected, and many were women.”

Like Madame Nhu, Vietnam's de facto first lady famous for denouncing American influence and presence in Vietnam. John F. Kennedy once said she represented everything he found unattractive in a woman.

'But Dad greatly admired her, as did Mum. They even named their cat Madame Nhu.”

Then one rainy day, just before Christmas in 1999, a four wheel drive vehicle slammed into Kim Rang's car on a roundabout near Baypark. She died in her son's arms.

'She loved Christmas, it was her time of year.”

Then this year just before Christmas, Des Anderson passed away.

So when Brenda and Maria should be focused on gathering presents, wrapping presents, giving presents, giving joy where there is none, making kids smile, they are remembering their Mum and grieving for their Dad.

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