Following the chaos and ridicule of the 'Abstinence” campaign sponsored by Telecom and led by Backing Black, supporters of the All Blacks, the new caring face of corporate support has emerged, reports Not the News.

The new campaign builds on the public service ads featuring John Kirwan, suggesting ways to fight your way out of depression, and can be found at their new Rugby World Cup support website www.gonutsfortheallblacks.org.nz

For those already suffering the endless barrage of lead-up programmes, and adverts featuring players, help is waiting at www.ivehadenoughofthisalready.org.nz or the church sponsored www.ohgodpleaseletitsoonbeover.faith.nz. John says 'It's ok to acknowledge your feelings, talk to others about it, and ask for help.”

Post-RWC help will be ready for the AB's loss to France in the quarter-finals (information just in from Karachi) - 'Don't panic, go for a swim or run, then take a deep breath and get help at www.isthatit?.com, or an online apology from heat-pump salesman Dan Carter at www.sorrywef****dup.co.nz.

Asked about the website, Dan said it's 'Cool. Or hot, depending on the weather,” whilst Captain Richie McCaw described it as 'Versatile.” Product placement complaints can be lodged at www.moneyisruiningsport.com.

Note: Other sports are available. Your television has an off button. No All Blacks were hurt in the making of this news item. Heat pumps can use a lot of electricity.