In the news this week is the story of a man who cooked and ate one of his fingers.

This has caused quite some consternation among folk who don't like the idea. Self-cannibalism would appear to be illegal, but surely if one wants to eat part of oneself, why should the law wave its finger?

If a person is so desperate (or deranged) that they feel the need for a digital dinner, it's hardly anyone else's business.
I can understand the manufacturers of Fish Fingers feeling justifiably threatened by this new trend in eating habits. After all, they've had a monopoly on the finger food business for decades now.
Colonel Sanders is a little upset, since he only went as far as recommending licking your fingers.
Road ragers everywhere are now confused: The holding up of a finger or two used to be a signal of insult, defiance or aggression – now it could possibly be a dinner invitation.
So why stop at eating just your own fingers?
Cannibalism is due for a renaissance, its been too long since we last had friends for dinner.

It's reported the finger-eater cooked his digit with vegetables. Were they really vegetables…or other body parts, we wonder.
For instance, did the vegetables include a head of broccoli, an ear of corn or even that rare delicacy, butternut?

In the case of butternut, the diner is likely to find the special diet works well as a weight loss programme. He'd have lost two stone.
Act of God
I happened to be watching the religious station, Shine TV on Sunday night. Don't ask me how I got that channel; God works in mysterious ways. (Actually, I was trying to find the Comedy Channel and the remote, with a dodgy button, accidentally dialled 111).
Anyway, up popped the God Bothering station and lo and behold, they were playing a news flash which said there'd been an 8.9 quake in Japan and that a tsunami alert had been issued for the Pacific.
Now this sounded a bit familiar, but I thought, crikey, the poor Japanese, haven't they been through enough? Then I surfed the net for more information on the tsunami alert, with plans to get confirmation for a breaking news alert out on SunLive.
However, no other news source had it. Not even the venerable BBC had any word of impending waves of destruction. I rushed to Japanese news sites, concerned for their welfare, but they reported: おかげさまで *
It turns out there was no such tsunami warning anywhere else in the world.
Did the Christians know something the rest of us heathens didn't?
Was another Great Flood coming and only those believers and followers of channel 111 would be warned to climb aboard the nearest ark?
The only sensible answer I could think of, is the news item on Shine TV must have been several weeks old and mistakenly replayed.
Next morning I contacted the nice people at Rhema Broadcasting, who explained there'd been a computer glitch and instead of playing a promo, it had randomly selected an older news bulletin…which just happened to be the original piece about the Japan quake of March 11.
They'd later retracted and apologised to viewers, which I must have missed while chasing more info on the net. We understand how these things can happen, working in the media, with computers. Worse, with humans. Things can go wrong and when Murphy takes control, not even God is infallible.
At least it's heartening to know they haven't abandoned the studio and headed for the hills. Bless.
Legal aid
With the cutbacks in availability of legal aid and the subsequent howling from those who think some people may not get a fair trial – here's a thought that seems to have been overlooked.
If you are concerned about the level of legal aid available, then stay out of trouble. Don't be bad, stay out of court. Relatively simple, really.
Following on from our quest to find a slogan for Tauranga, then the story about the Matua prostitute recently, one of our astute readers has suggested the suburb needs a slogan of its own. Here's a few from the RR thinktank (chairman, Capt Morgan);
Matua: Experience life on the seedy side of the tracks.
Matua: Is that a peninsula or are you pleased to see me?
Matua: Harbour side, bit on the side.
Matua: Satisfaction money CAN buy.
Parting thought:
Tiki Taane hit the news this week after his disrespectful 'F*** the Police” outbursts.
But to give credit where it's due, f***ing the police is not a new idea.
The concept was first developed by Louise Nicholas, which also had a court sequel, so it's hardly fair that Taane takes all the kudos.
Have a fun and happy Easter and be careful out there.
* o kage-sama de = Very well, thanks for asking.