Let's get this straight: Every dog over three months has to be registered. But it's a grudge payment, much like a parking ticket, and owners put up all sorts of preposterous excuses to get out of paying the $78 fee or $109 penalty fee.

Be warned – Brent Lincoln of Animal Services at Tauranga City Council is on to you.

He says the following are not valid reasons for your dog not being registered.

• My dog is microchipped (that's not the same as registration).

• My dog's sick and may not live (You can apply for a refund of the remaining registration should your dog pass away during the year).

• It's a rescue dog, or I'm just trying the dog out, I've only had it for a few weeks (You are the person in possession of the dog and are required to have the dog registered).

• It's only a small dog and it never leaves the section (It won't wash. All dogs no matter how small must be registered).

So they are excuses that won't work for the owner of the 8503 dogs that remain unregistered. Now, however, The Weekend Sun has contrived and conspired to beat Brent at his own game. These excuses might be valid, but please note they are untested.

• I didn't get my dog registered because (insert dog's name) ate the registration form.
• Sorry, the dog still refuses to tell me his/her real name.
• I couldn't go out and get my dog registered because I had (choose one of the following) bubonic plague, black plague, Ebola, smallpox, cholera, ingrown toenails or any combination of the above.
• I couldn't get my dog registered because (insert dog's name) has identity issues. He believes he is a person who cocks his leg to pee. And, if he is a dog, he is not like other dogs (The three-pronged defence will seriously test any council officer).
• I am too (choose one of the following) selfish/irresponsible/stupid to get my dog registered.
• Sorry, dog is in therapy with a behaviourist. Please call back when he's safe to be around children and council officers.
• I am saving up to pay my dog registration.
• On the back of that, offer a down payment and suggest council investigate a dog registration supplementary benefit.
• The dog and I are going through a rough separation at the moment.
• (Insert dog's name) refuses to be registered because it breaches (choose one of the following) his/her privacy, confidentiality or any other constitutional right.
• (Insert dog's name) is at an undisclosed destination in the South Island duck shooting. Please call back.
• The dog is an anarchist and doesn't believe in state defined laws and rules.
• Sorry, the dog is in the process of spiritually finding itself and is currently in a Buddhist monastery in the Kaimais in a deep meditative trance.
• My dog has (choose any one or combination of the following) seizures, drop jaw, unusual aggression, excessive salivation, excessive excitability, excessive whatever.
• Sorry, my dog ate grandma.

SunLive would like to know what's been your best excuse for trying to get out of dog registration (we'll keep you anonymous, of course) – drop us a line at [email protected]