The Bay gets a new bridge for Christmas and despite the official snub, we all know that we can thank Winston Claus.
The rather big present might be wrapped with a ribbon with a tinge of blue; and even Auntie Helen probably would like to take some credit since it was negotiated in her watch. But deep down we all know that Winston Peters wangled it toll-free, fair and square, from tightwad Scrooge Cullen, no matter how much spin to the contrary anyone would like to put on it.

And regardless of which way your politics may lean, it's just downright sad and petty that Winston Peters isn't invited to the opening.
Politics aside, it is a great accomplishment and real credit to Kevin Reid and the project team – ahead of time, under budget and ready for the summer onslaught. All we need now is Tino Rangatiratanga flying from the middle span.

It's great to see the Maori flag is going to fly on the Jafa bridge this year. Because:
1. It is a symbol that Maori have a voice and it shouldn't be allowed to be hijacked by a rowdy few extremists.
2. It's a sign of tolerance and unity between cultures.
3. It's a great flag, co-designed by local Linda Munn. Fly it high, and often.

Content warning
Okay, from here on, the column deteriorates. The moral fibre frays and the tone gets decidedly smutty. It even includes golf references. You may wish to turn directly to the church pages. Or, you may wish to put on your glasses for a closer look....
This week TV reporter Toni Street was caught in the cyclone that struck Fiji while on her honeymoon.
She says it was relentless. The deluge kept coming and she thought it would never subside. There was little escape from the torrent. And, apparently, the cyclone was just as bad.

Children of 09
Meanwhile, The list of most popular names for children in 2009 has been released. Hone, Tiger, Helen, and Clayton are not among them.
In the case of Tiger, it's clearly not fashionable for children to be named after their fathers.
Madeline and Aiden are the top names in North America this year. Jacob and Emma were the most popular of the decade.
NZ's official list is not available till January.
Call me anything you like, just don't call me After Christmas.

Carols
In the Woods household, Tiger will be singing a few different tunes. Performed orally.
Everyone's heard how he likes to spread about his ‘Ding Dong Merrily on High.'
His wife, however, won't let him do Carols anymore. Or Rachels. Or Mindys. Or Hollys, even if it is Christmas.
But he may be humming quietly to himself ‘The Twelve Lays of Christmas'.
Then there's ‘Oh Come, All Ye Unfaithful.'
There's certain to be a few ‘Silent Nights.' At least the silent treatment.
Another classic, ‘O Come O Come Emmanuel' is self explanatory, although she has not yet been named on The List but the movie as been around a while. There's bound to be a sequel starring her and Tiger, ‘Emmanuel does the Pro Circuit.'
Back on the golf course, Tiger was reportedly aiming to beat the scores of Nicklaus, instead he's become infamous for scoring the nickerless.

Finally, since it's Christmas, what better to round off a column than a contribution from one of our most astute letter writers. Thomas Brown offers this classic piece of prose for your festive season consumption. Many thanks Thomas – and all the other scribes who have added colour and depth to our letters pages over the year.

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the town
The letter-writers were moaning, groaning and down

There was Paterson and Harlen and Izett and Rhodes
And Evans and Fiford and Jordan - well loads

They couldn't bare the thought that nothing was wrong
That they might catch a snatch of a happy Christmas song

Sadly one of their letter-writing kind had experienced failure
Tony Mills spat the dummy and moved to Australia

Now they sat all poised with their pens at the ready
To record some infraction - the thought made them unsteady

Somebody somewhere would be breaking a rule
Such as too large an erection or too small a tool

Achtung! they cried as they reached for their guides
The pursuit of pettiness really warmed their insides

But one must be kind and not emphasise defects
Each one of the moaners would have made good school prefects

Now on Christmas Eve they got all excited
A clatter on the roof as someone alighted

A jolly man in a red suit parked in a sleigh
Contravened the district plan in every way

Flying across town after midnight required consent
Legislation should be enacted by parliament

Noise levels would be broken by shouts and hollers
And reindeer like dogs required numbered collars

They complained to the Council and then to the Police
A low flying sleigh could endanger some trees

Then a shout rang up between a neigh and a whinny
‘Twas the ghost of Scrooge's little Timmy

For you in 2009 this present I give
A time honoured adage – live and let live!