There are several serious issues which need addressing this week.

Firstly, there's the problem of ageing population and dwindling pension reserves. Then there's Copenhagen and the climate swindle that is about to be imposed upon us. And most importantly, a reader asks: What has happened to the Era Blu girl?
Let us tackle these issues in order of global severity.
1. The Era Blu girl is rumoured to be back this week, on page 4.
2. Copenhagen: It's a dangerous rort. Send Rodney and his girlfriend to check it out. Via Hawaii, the Great Lakes, Caribbean and the nicer parts of Scandinavia.
3. Old people. There is no short answer, but here goes:
The government is pondering what to do about the increasing amount of old people and the decreasing amount of dosh to keep paying them.
Statistics New Zealand, which provides 99.05 per cent of our statistics (the rest are made up here) says one million New Zealanders will be aged over 65 within the next 20 years. By the late 2020s, more people will be aged over 65 than under 15.
This seems to be a deepening problem as:
1) People are tending to live longer.
2) I will soon be one of those old people.
3) My children tell me 'too late, that has already happened.”
4) There will be a shortage of birthday cake candles.
So in order to help the government out of this predicament, RR has come up, as usual, with some novel suggestions.
Firstly, we should cut down the number of old people, which would mean more moolah to go around the few of us that will be left. The way I figure it, a lot of old people about my age should 'take one for the team” so that a few of us can go into old age, wealthy, rather than trying to spread the limited available dosh too thinly.
Some ways to reduce the number of costly old people:
1) Balsawood walking sticks. This will mean most will fall over.
2) Take them into the woods and lose them. It worked with Hansel and Gretel, only make sure the oldies don't leave a trail of goldcards, or whatever, to find their way back.
3) Put the directors of Bluechip in charge of them. Millions will be lost in no time.
The candle shortage can be solved by older people halving the number, but burning them at both ends. At least that's what businesses will have to do to afford to retire. By the time small companies are slapped with ridiculous compliance demands, an extra week's holiday pay for staff, KiwiSaver sucking out thousands, then talk of a capital gains tax on any property that might have been carefully acquired through long hours and commitment, there will be no time for rest or retirement.

Cry wolf
Once upon a time, a siren meant something serious.
Nowadays no one takes a lot of notice – cry wolf once too often, the old fable goes, and people become indifferent.
Who takes any notice of a car alarm sounding in the street? Few, because the false alarms are so common, they're virtually completely disregarded.
This week, downtown hosted a colourful parade – complete with whining sirens. It's disgraceful. And those who did take notice weren't sure whether to run from the tsunami or hide under their desks. I calmed down a couple of old ladies who were scurrying to the top of the redoubt because they thought a tsunami was coming. 'Don't worry,” I reassured them. 'It's just children.” Then they ran even faster.
Sirens should be reserved for their original purpose – to warn the public of impending danger and to clear the way for emergency services. We are watering down the important impact of warning sirens by using them as novelty entertainment.
It's illegal to impersonate a police officer. It should also be an offence to sound like one.
Finally, the local Rotary clubs held a very interesting breakfast meeting in the Crystal Palace, a marquee on steroids, in conjunction with the arts festival.
Rod Oram spoke about the NZ economy, the world's finances; a short, sharp enlightening take on the extraordinary world situation.
But he needn't have bothered. The mere fact that Rotary has to meet in a tent suggests things are not good.
Classic line of the week went to columnist and author Joe Bennett, who spoke next.
He started by saying how much he likes Rotary.
'I have one of your lawn mowers. And the clothesline has given many years of trouble-free service.”
However, he then lamented the Wankel rotary engine, and its impact on society, and suggested the spelling should be amended.