Can you believe the TV news this week, skinks and skanks all over the place.
And before you scoff 'dogs don't watch television” you need to understand this: Dogs and cats can, despite popular misconceptions, take in a lot of visual information from the idiot box.

And we're not just talking about Discovery Channel or Animal Planet. We've been known to appreciate some quality drama as well.
Us dogs can see some colours – mostly in the blues. We have an issue with reds and greens. It's all to do with the cone cells in our eyeballs. The twoleggers have three types, us canines only have the two. And the human versions are 10 times more dense, so they can take in a fuller spectrum on the tellie.
Of course, we have it all over them with smell and hearing. Which is why the barbecue will win my attention over Mythbusters any day.
Cats, according to my nemesis Ralph, see a fuller range in the blues, greens and yellows. Which explains why Ralph is such a fan of the Steamers. But cats are also missing a lot of the red spectrum.
So all in all, us fourleggers have only about 15 per cent of the uptake, compared to twoleggers, on the finer details of Mark Sainsbury's moustache. To us it looks like a blurry, twitching rat seen through the bottom of a coke bottle.
But we do have a finer sense of movement and fine couch potatoes like myself and Ralph tend to focus on the outlines and edges – remember it's stance and posture that we relate to.
So when it comes on the news that Tiger has a plague of skanks and that Russian guy had an infestation of skinks in his daks – grief in his briefs – it was the big picture that took my attention.
We could go on here about the many hazards of installing lizardry in one's undergarments, suffice to say commonsense suggests it's a bad idea.
And speaking of senses, yours will be a-twitching like a newsreader's moustache after he's discovered a goanna down his speedos when you see what my mate Johnny has in store.
His shop in the Gate Pa centre is the best place to get in the meaty supplies for your barbecue this weekend, and any weekend for that matter. He also has a range of frozen seafood delicacies also, and once again, he has the best hams and turkeys around. He, or his better half, will even stuff the turkey for you – so get your order in now.

'Herb rubbed chicken'

Ingredients
Whole chicken
2g chopped fresh rosemary leaves
3g chopped fresh thyme
15g minced onion
10g minced garlic
30ml white wine
30ml Worcestershire sauce
10g coarse salt
1g ground black pepper
60ml olive oil

Method
In a blender or food processor, mix rosemary, thyme, onion, garlic, white wine Worcestershire sauce, coarse salt, pepper and olive oil. Pulse until well blended. Cover and chill in the refrigerator at least 10 minutes before rubbing under the chicken skin or injecting into meat as desired.
Roast chicken until meat thermometer reads 74 degrees Celsius when inserted into the innermost part of the thigh and wing and the thickest part of the breast. Serve with roasted vegetables or a mixture of salads.

'Raspberry'

Ingredients
45ml raspberry vodka
Lemonade
Fresh or frozen raspberries

Method
Pour raspberry vodka over ice in a tall glass. Top with lemonade. Garnish with fresh or frozen raspberries.

Well, my good people that's all for me this week, but if you hear of any really good Tiger jokes please tell me. 'Keep it cool until after school” and enjoy the sunshine, and a little bit of laughter, actually a lot of laughter, as it is the season to be jolly.