News Hounds Ady & Flo www.sunlive.co.nz

Here are the answers to some tricky household questions that have been asked around our place lately.

Q: Why is it necessary to make a game out of the boss putting on his socks every morning?
A: Because it's all happening down at my level and I have direct access to his ears.

Q: Barking at 3am?
A: Necessary because there's something out there. Bears, I suspect. At least that's what Wendy the Trainer says. And I agree. I've been watching Discovery Channel. I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't bark at bears. If no-one takes any notice, they'll eat all the porridge. It's true, I saw that in a book. Or was that Goldilocks? Anyway, someone ate the porridge and it wasn't me so we might as well blame the bears. In fact there were Three Bears. It ain't easy being a dog, on duty 24/7.

Q: Who chewed the end off the hose while it was running?
A: No, I can't imagine what sort of imbecile would find it necessary to do such a thing. Ady says it's caused by bears. My own theory is that the water is hard. It will eat the nozzle out of a hose in no time. Call the council. Tell Mayor Paterson.

Q: If a tree falls down in a forest and there's no-one there to hear it, did it make a noise?
A: Who cares, imagine all those free sticks.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Scared of the bears, clearly.

Q: How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Not as many as a heavy bulb.

Q: How come the rat trap is in shredded pieces?
A: Because the rats in the Western Bay are big and mean, the size of angry chicken-chasing bears, and will tear a trap to pieces just for the fun of it. Yes, even when the trap is new and still in the packet and hasn't even been baited. (Oops, might have shot myself in the foot, there.)

Q: Why is there slobber on the back window of the car?
A: Because someone has to round up that
blimmin' rear windscreen wiper. See the provocative evil as it goes back and forth, back and forth. Hear the malicious swish, swash, swish, swash. Taunting. The voices in my head said 'Kill the tormenting
windscreen wiper”.

Next week: Cats and other irritations.

- Flo.