Ian McLean Green candidate for Tauranga

In the spirit of resilient living, I have been preserving fruit lately. Apparently normal folk don't do this much anymore, although I understand that the Op Shops are doing a great trade in old bottles. So perhaps there is a bit of a revival going on.

Most people think that making preserves is about creating treats for the coming winter. But I know better. The primary purpose is to get the kitchen cleaned.

Here are some of the unwritten rules underlying the ancient dark arts of bottling.

The actual time, energy and equipment costs for bottling means that it will never be economic compared to the cost of a can of peaches imported from Timbuctoo.

Blisters, tendonitis and a sore back are natural outcomes. Resilient living has its costs, but you can trade off the pain against the feel-good factor.

Your worms will thank you for the fruit entrails. So will the fruit flies when you leave those same entrails lying around.

Your children will refuse to eat it because it wasn't peeled.

A law of bottling is that there be at least one boil-over each summer, probably while you are in the toilet or out at the shops, having forgotten that the fruit is on the stove. The kitchen will be covered in a sloppy sweet goo that accumulates behind the stove, under the lino and on the walls. Plums are best because they seem to stain and stick better than any other fruit, forcing you to clean more.

Those little fire alarm devices you now have all over the house have been specifically designed to ignore the odour of burning fruit.

For those inevitable bottles that do not seal properly and need to be redone, resterilise using the microwave. One of the mysteries of microwaves is that they cause a bottle to completely evert its contents. You will end up with a very clean microwave.

You can never find all of the mess. But your pet ants will clean up the bits you missed. However, those hours spent cleaning up do result in a very shiny kitchen.

The jars of preserves should sit prominently on open shelves, as they enhance the homely ambience of your cottage kitchen and will impress your friends with your refusal to buy fruit from Timbuctoo. It is unclear if those friends will be impressed more by the preserves, or by your beautifully clean kitchen.

If you live in Christchurch, store all preserves on the floor under a doorway.

If you don't actually open and eat them, then you won't have to do it all again next year.

It's a local product, probably organic, and it's always worth it.