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Brian Rogers Rogers Rabbits www.sunlive.co.nz |
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We've been quite busy here at RR Headquarters.
Along with dealing with a natural disaster, we've been clearing out the spare room and making up the sofa bed for Miley Cyrus and the other American celebrities who pledged to evacuate from the United States of America if Mr Chump became president. So I figure they weren't idle threats, and these people who follow through on their promises will all be quitting the USA and moving to New Zealand. Well folks, give us a chance to tidy up. It's a bit of a mess in places, particularly the top of the South and our thoughts go to the people affected by the quake and ongoing tremors and the inevitable rebuild and clean up. Going by the Christchurch experience, it could be a long haul for some of the residents, farms and businesses that have had their lives and livelihoods ripped apart. Mind you, the Government is looking pretty confident and practised at handling these disasters; unfortunately there are have been far too many in the last decade.
Bovine lives matter too
As is the trend these days, the world seems been more interested in the fate of the marooned cows than the struggles of locals and stranded tourists. Now the cows are worldwide celebrities where to from here? Their own reality TV show? ‘The Cowdashians'?
Poms pondering
An interesting piece popped up on social media this week, an ex-pat Englishman living here fielding messages from the Motherland, from people asking why you'd want to live in a place like New Zealand which was ravaged by earthquakes and volcanic eruptions? No sooner had this question been asked, when All Black legend Richie McCaw flew into the disaster zone in his helicopter to help people, even offering to rescue the stranded cows. How Kiwi is that? I think it answers the question from the English. If you can't admire the country's attitude, best you stay put. This really is the best country in the world, and if you need it explaining, you'll never get it!
Celebrity meltdown
Funny that US celebrities are losing their minds over Trump's election. He may not be right for the job, but since when did celebrities – actors and singers – become experts in governance? Why do some media organisations, and presumably a lot of their readers, give a hoot about ditzy glamour-pusses' take on world affairs? As if they, in their grossly overpaid, overhyped, limo-driven, private jet-propelled fantasy worlds could ever grasp the realities of life and the impact of policies on the average citizen. This is a flaw in modern western societies – the idolising of so-called celebrities and swooning over every word, every fashion statement, every song, tweet or political ranting. Why in the world would the masses give a flying fork about the thoughts and opinions of someone called Lady Gaga? Or a person with the experience, political nous, or lack thereof, of Katy Perry? Are they experts commentators who have studied and qualified in political science? Or just random singers who have a bit of performing talent and fluked some lucky breaks? I'm not endorsing Trump here. Just saying that listening to ‘celebrity' rantings on political events, and giving their dipstick thoughts so much media space, is as useful as taking advice from a cow on how to abseil.
USA to NewSA
You have to hand it to the Americans, they're not put off by a bit of natural disaster. Mind you, they've had their share of catastrophes, with cyclones, floods, wildfires and Oprah. The yanks are still flocking here. So we could rename New Zealand as NewSA. Would rather see fine upstanding American citizens emigrating here than some of the riff raff we've seen over the years. We are well qualified to accept them. We're great at basketball (Steve Adams) and are converting from softball to baseball as we speak. We have Jeeps. Pretty soon we'll have your America's Cup too, I reckon. So it's just the driving on the right-hand side of the road you'll have to get sorted. Although many of the locals already ignore that and drive up the middle. Welcome to NewSA! Y'all come back now, ya hear? I feel it might be time to plan a new flag. It's been a year or so since we talked about changing it. Now we have some extra ingredients to work with, some stripes and more stars.
It's a stampede
So the Americans are stampeding here to get away from Trump's leadership. They'd better hurry, to beat the Aucklanders who are arriving by the packet or the sachet, or whatever is the collective term for a bunch of Jafas. The Americans may be disappointed to find that our tsunami warning systems are woefully inadequate. In my own case, the message telling me there was a tsunami on the way arrived at the same time as the message saying the threat was over…two hours too late. So unreliable text messages, that many people wouldn't hear anyway cos their phones are off… and no sirens. Not much hope, is there? However, the Americans may be more prepared, they can probably raise awareness in the community of any alert by simply firing their handguns in the air. After the shock presidential election, RR decided Tip Top needed to rebrand and remake its iconic advertising. I asked our very clever Sun Creative division to re-design the ad that used to feature Rachel Hunter. This is what Kym came up with:
Parting thought
Speaking of the USA, here's a quote doing the rounds that supposedly is from one of my favourite Americans, Willie Nelson: 'I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong. Especially after what he achieved, winning seven Tour de France races while on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike”.
