In Not the News today (content may offend), there is embarrassment for Prime Minister John Key in a discovery made in searching the hundreds of thousands of leaked documents hitting the internet from whistleblower site Wikileaks.

He has described himself as ‘devastated' that there is absolutely no mention of him anywhere.

He is reportedly taking a few days away from his office to reassess his impact on the world stage and is expected to make an announcement later today.

New Zealand has featured in the ‘dossier of embarrassment', with several reported conversations from the White House including brief queries from George W Bush, such as ‘Where?' and ‘That Clark fella's a bit odd.'

The focus of the revelations is centred on conflict in Iraq, Afghanistan and the Pakistan borders, and here again New Zealand gets a mention, with Kiwis setting up an extreme water-sports business.

‘Hey bro. It's water and a board, what's not to like, eh? We throw people off bridges tied to elastic, lighten up.'