In Not the News today (content may offend), we've uncovered secret plans by Labour to erase the last vestiges of individualism on the roads by outlawing all cars that are not silver by 2015.

This startling new restriction on personal freedom is expected by party leaders to slip in unnoticed, given that 4 out of 5 cars are already a shade of the non-colour.

Plans obtained by your correspondent Cliff Edge have also revealed how far the socialist revolution will go should Labour retain power into a second term, including a deal with South Korean car giant Kia Motors to produce a compulsory 'people's car”. The car, planned to be called the Kia Konform, is set to be the VW Beetle of it's age, and will be available in two versions. One will be the standard model for the general public, and one for local and national government officials, to be known as the Kia Perk.

A surprisingly competitive tender process was apparently undertaken by Labour to select their preferred provider, with Kia being narrow winners over the Nissan Graft, and India-made Tata Hope.

'This is all rumour and speculation,” said leader Phil Goff when confronted by Not the News. 'Besides, no-one likes a show off,” he added, carelessly. 'It's for the environment actually, as the silver will reflect more light back into space and help cool the planet. It's our replacement for the emissions trading nonsense, and just as likely to be successful,” he went on, in a rare moment of insight.

Rebellious in red? You have been warned!