You have to wonder, just who these noddies are, running the geographic board. The latest genius project is to change the name of Otumoetai, to Otūmoetai.
Yes that’s right, the good old taxpayer is going to shell out for the name to be changed… to the same name.
Only this time, they’re adding a macron above the U.
For those of you who don’t know, don’t care, or both – a macron* is a pointless little smudge that some PC nutters have been smattering all over our perfectly good language.
Rest assured, no such nonsense will ever be foisted upon my readers, as long as anti-macron sentiment pulses through my veins. Which is constantly. And twice as fast, after rum.
Take a good long look at Otūmoetai now. Because it’s the last time you’ll see it like this, in the editorial of this paper.
So they think we will buckle and agree to writing a stupid little line above our favourite suburb? Think again.
The only line we’ll be drawing, is a line in the sand. Our editorial department is right behind me on this.
Or we may take the protest action of writing it out in full: Otumoetai-with-a-macron-over-the-U. Probably at the same time declare that village south of Patea to be called Fonganoowee. Either way, we won’t be adding doodas, umlauts, dashes, flicks, dooflickies, dicks, doofers, thingees or macaroons to any of our precious words.
The stupid little dick (the macron, not the bloke at the geographic board) has an official name, but you don’t need to know it.
You probably won’t remember it, and because the good people of this land are going to rise up and stamp out the nonsense, it doesn’t deserve a title.
If you must call it something, let’s label it: The Dipstick. (Note: that name change has not yet been accepted by the Geographic Board).
It doesn’t stop with you landlubbers. The idiotic geographic board apparently want to put a macron in the middle of the Otumoetai Channel.
Now I’ve checked with my good mates at the Coastguard, and they confirm it will be a hazard to navigation.
Not many people know this, but the skipper of the Rena was taking collision avoidance action, after suspecting a macron at sea, when he ran the container ship onto
Turned out, it was only a gingernut. But the damage was done.
So why would we feel the need to add bullshit symbols to our whacko English language?
The vast majority already struggle with the funny little language accessories we inherited from the Poms. Such as apaches, I think they are called. No sorry, I meant apostrophes.
Hell, some of you even struggle with a full stop at the end of a sentence
(Ha, notice I left one off there, for comic effect?)
Then, some of you chuck the accessorie’s in here, there and everywhere, just for good measure’s. It’s as if “Apostrophes R Us” had a cancelled export order, then a massive sale on Apo’s and some of you bought a bulk load and are just panicking to use them all up before the expiry date.
So why on Earth would we want to inflict a whole bunch of other PC garbage macrons on the unsuspecting public?
Well, we’re not.
It’s time this ridiculous waste of taxpayer money and time was stopped in its tracks.
It’s the invasion of the macrons, from Planet Macra. Repel them at all cost!
Nasty little Klingons that are hell bent on attaching themselves to every stray word in the dictionary.
Before long they’ll sneaking insidiously onto our keyboards.
Leave them where they belong: on French menus and in the minds of deranged
geographic board members.
* Not to be confused with macaroons.