with Rosalie Liddle Crawford
Our future phones need to be smarter and have unique user settings. For example, if we were able to set our phones to ‘politician’ mode, there would be a common warning message come up that reads “I wouldn’t text that if I were you”.
The best rule of thumb though for mobile phone texting and answering messages on social media, is “nothing after 9.30pm”. I doubt much research has been thrown at this, but my late-night scrolling of social media and message boards suggests the hypothesis that late-night keyboard warriors may have started the day in a less inebriated state.
Trolls will just have to sit behind their screens while you enjoy a solid night of sleep.
The ‘24 hour rule’ and my father’s wise advice of ‘if in doubt don’t’ are also great rules to apply to the overuse of communication technology devices.
Blabber and the blubber
Should politicians or wanna-be politicians even be allowed to answer their own mobile phones? It can be like a triple negative - it’s not unlike not giving a phone to a walrus. Not.
A politician is thick-skinned, prone to loud bellowing, territorial, aggressive when provoked, blabbers, and doesn’t have tusks, whereas a walrus on the other hand is thick-skinned, prone to loud bellowing, territorial, aggressive when provoked, has blubber and doesn’t debate on television.
If all politicians could do a stint during their first term as a wanna-be astrophysicist, I’m sure the world would be a better place.
They would look through a telescope at Mars, Jupiter and further out into the vast universe and start to get an idea of just how inconsequential we all are back here.
The not-so-common cold
This planet we call Earth has been formed in a kind of Goldilocks zone around the Sun. Not too hot or we’d burn up, and not too cold, or we’d all freeze. How did this happen? Thankfully this is also where oceans remain largely in liquid form. For those of us who are not marine biologists and may not understand its significance, this is just something extremely helpful for our overall survival.
For those who are into the anti-global warming arguments, and point out that hot dogs are no hotter than a decade ago, Sunday remains 24 hours long, and that the abominable snowman hasn’t melted, well I give you the common cold. It’s not so common post-lockdown. Some say it’s due to social distancing, but for those of us who continually ask the ‘why’ questions, could it be global warming?
Don’t let baby names go viral
Can you just imagine - if we all took ourselves off into that dark energy in that great vacuum we call space and looked back at how pipsqueak we are, maybe we’d stop warring, get rid of our own dark energy, and do something greater and more collaborative about wildlife, the natural environment and our care of it.
There’s not much these days that seems to separate us from the general wildlife. The use of tools was one until someone spotted elephants dropping logs on electric fences to short them; and bottlenose dolphins, the brainiacs of the sea, using marine sponges to stir up ocean-bottom sand to uncover prey. But we also have abstract thought, sandwiches, bean bag chairs, competitive cooking shows and apostrophe abuse in baby names.
Name inspiration comes in many forms, and for these parents who like to draw from real life as the reasoning behind naming babies Corona and Covid, please just no. Please don’t name your children after a virus or microorganism.
Granted, having a baby conceived or born amidst the global pandemic is a silver lining, but there are other ways to make the day memorable. And other names.
It’s also important to think initials through too. Like R.U. Ready who was born in 1896 in Kansas, USA. And consider first names with surnames, like Agusta Wind, born in 1880 in Illinois, USA.
According to popular baby name website Nameberry, Luna and Milo have topped a list of the hottest baby names of the year so far. One name missing from the girls’ top ten list was Cora, which took eighth place this time last year. The website said a possible explanation for its decline in popularity over the last six months could be that the name is too reminiscent of the word “coronavirus”.
Starting a new movement
Speaking of viruses and micro-organisms, it’s also good for politicians to be reminded that within one linear centimetre of our lower colon there lives and works more bacteria - about 100 billion - than all humans who have ever been born. Yet many people continue to assert that it is we who are in charge of the world. We live, we die, we move through the colon of life. Hopefully we can start a movement, end a movement or change a movement along the way.
Change is after all what politics is supposed to be about. But darker energy forces in the political universe can subjugate best intentions. Politicians get caught in an electoral causality loop. Change is needed, a person promises change, nothing has changed, change is needed. And so on.
Eventually a politician gets expelled from the political digestive tract, someone scoops the poop and we start again.
July 24, 2020