Spotify. Let's talk about Spotify. But, first, I must ask – have vegetarians gone insane?

And, lest anyone – especially vegetarians – examine that question and assume that I'm one of the many meat-eating hedonists who regard vegetarianism as some strange puritanical cult let me start by saying that I have nothing whatsoever against vegetarians.

Much as I admire food writer Anthony Bourdain and find his general disdain for all things vegetarian hilarious I do not share his opinions. I am not like the waiter who upon being asked by a customer what his restaurant had for vegetarians, replied: 'Contempt”.

My defence

To paraphrase that old defence of racists and bigots everywhere: some of my best friends are vegetarians.

And most of them have pretty sensible reasons. The vast majority don't eat meat because they don't like the taste of it. Which is hard to argue with. I don't like the taste of olives yet I don't expect insults from every Greek, Italian or Spaniard I dine with. Same with meat. If you don't like it, fair enough. More sizzling hot barbecue ribs for the rest of us.

Then there are those who object to animals being killed, and those who regard meat as unhealthy. These are much smaller groups and I often find they also don't happen to like the taste, which must make living by your principles much easier.

So far, so sensible. Hence the question – have vegetarians gone insane? What else could explain the current rise of ‘meat-free meat'? In particular, ‘meat-free meat' that ‘tastes like meat'?

Marketing ploy?

People make and market this stuff. And apparently sell millions of meat-free meat meals annually. To whom? What crazy subset of vegetarians want to eat mat-free meat? If it's not making too bleedin' obvious a point, what's wrong with vegetables?

Because, if you stop eating meat because you don't like the taste of it, why would you want to eat something not meat that has been made to taste like meat? It's doing my head in...

And here's another point. What about people who actually like meat and who just want to cut down a bit. What if you're not allowed meat at all but you still crave it? There must be a few people like this out there (though it doesn't strike me as a solid marketing base).

Maybe you'd eat meat-free meat.

There's meat-free mince, meat-free sausage rolls, meat-free pieces, all sorts. There's even meat-free stuff that's ‘chicken-style'. So the big question for meat lovers looking for a substitute is: If that one is chicken-style, what flavour are the others? Who knows? Not beef, not pork, not lamb, not venison – no mention of actual animals, just ‘meat'. Meat flavour. Because all meat tastes the same. Apparently.

So I say to all vegetarians out there – rise up! You're being treated like idiots. And abstemious meat eaters, here's an idea – eat vegetables. Like meat they come in a variety of flavours: there's sure to be a couple out there you like.

Finally...Spotify

And on to Spotify. Taylor Swift has withdrawn her songs from Spotify. Why? Because you can't make any money on Spotify. She has a new album out which cost a considerable sum and now she needs to recoup. So being ripped off on Spotify wasn't an option.

Spotify issued a statement as insulting as it was patronising. It said: 'We hope she'll change her mind and join us in building a new music economy that works for everyone. We believe fans should be able to listen to music wherever and whenever they want, and that artists have an absolute right to be paid for their work and protected from piracy”.

Yep. Artists have an absolute right to get paid. The problem is that what Spotify regard as fair payment and what it actually costs to make music are figures from different universes.

On Spotify the average rate is $0.007 per play (minus deductions along the way). What that usually ends up as is around $0.002 per play. So if 100,000 people listen to your song, you might get $200. If 10 million people listen you might be able to pay off the cost of the very, very cheap recording of one song.

Thanks Spotify.