The whitebait season is underway this week and there’s been feverish activity in the RR camp, sharpening hooks and researching batter recipes.
They’re tricky little buggers to catch, and not only do you need very small hooks, but a light touch on the rod and reel, because the bites are very hard to detect. Still, when you get a big one on, you know all about it. Strap yourself into the game chair and hang on.
I’m looking forward to seeing that TV fishing guy jump out of a helicopter and wrestle one. Anyone can do that with a big fish. Let’s see how accurate he is with a little angry whitebait.
Meanwhile, officials are warning people to clean their gear thoroughly to avoid the spread of nasties in the water, such as disease, pests and weeds.
Didymo is the big concern. As explained in a previous column, Didymo is a rapper from LA who has been causing a large amount of trouble in the South Island.
It’s a nasty invasive pest that we need to keep out of our clean rivers and lakes.
The answer is simple. The government should pass a law making it illegal to smoke didymo.
It’s worked with some other weeds. Suddenly you’d find that it would become in big demand, and losers nationwide would be clambering the riverbanks to collect it and burn it.
The upside? Some of the organised crime perpetrators would end up falling in, unable to swim in their black jeans and Megadeth hoodies, therefore saving the country in dole and sickness benefits.
A win-win situation.
Meanwhile the Olympics games are over and those of us who have been wasting away the small hours under a rug in front of the TV can finally get a proper night’s sleep.
Never before can we remember such a good turnout of athletes from the Bay, or such high success rate. Of course we also claim Mahe along with the Bay contingent, since he was schooled locally and Mum lives here. Plus Sarah in the BMX and Lisa in the kayak, from the eastern Bay.
Our whitewater lot put up a good performance, with Mike putting up a great effort and let’s not forget Ella paddling for the Cook Islands, who is a Tauranga paddler in disguise.
A fine effort all round, just getting there is a triumph in itself.
It was unfortunate that the RR team did not get to compete in the Olympics. It seems that due to a clerical blunder, the NZ Olympic committee didn’t have us entered.
Which is a great shame, because our synchronised swimming ability is world class. We would have won outright, because all the rest of the synchronised swimmers are clearly on drugs. There’s no way you could have those looks on your face without it.
Our synchronised swimming routine was well practised through the winter, when on several occasions the duck punt was swamped or the bung left out, and the lads were truly in synch, with the “sink” part of synchronised well-rehearsed.
Same with the walking. Unfortunately the team was left out of the entries. We’d have won that by default also, since the rest all look like they’re cheating. Or taking drugs. No way could you waddle like that, unless you had some concealment in a body cavity.
We do have a message for those in the weirdest ever sport. You are not fooling us.
This is just running slow, with a bit of duck waddle thrown in, to make it look convincing.
You are supposed to keep a foot on the ground at all times – heeling and toeing, I think the commentator called it. However in this age of freeze frame, My-Sky technology, we can analyse every step you take… and guess what? You have been running!
Not only does this sport look silly, but it’s full of cheats. The winners are simply slow runners, pretending to walk.
One of our alert readers refers to it as “mincing.”
Finally a message to those who insist on biting their medals.
This stems from an age-old ritual, when those in possession of gold coins used to test the softness of the metal. If their teeth did not make a mark on the coin, it was deemed too hard to be gold, and therefore a fake.
These days, the biting of the gold medal is still customary, with about a quarter of those recipients at London seen biting them.
These days however, the gold medals are not 100 per cent gold, as in the old days. They apparently only contain about 1 per cent gold, so the metal will not dent. It is purely a quaint old custom.
As for silver and bronze medallists having a chomp: this is a pointless exercise and they clearly do not understand the history. Silver and bronze are both too hard to be impressioned by teeth.
For sale, one Olympic K1 kayak. Black. Hardly used and maybe not pushed to full potential due to distractions. Genuine reason for selling. Slight scowling around the cowling and foaming around the coaming. Would consider swap for sessions with Anger Management Counsellor or a copy of “How to Win Friends and Influence People”. Contact B. Fouhy.