Tena Koutou. Welcome to Rogers Rapiti, our Maori Language Week special edition.
I’ve always liked the way Kiwis mix and mingle our language and culture, making our eclectic origins a unique blend. Nohonoha with a coffee and put your waewae up and enjoy.
We’ve decided to take Maori Language Week a step further, not just providing Maori place names and terms in place of English, but reversing the process, and providing the English translation of commonly used Maori names, to further our understanding and appreciation of the beautiful native language.
Therefore this week we will be referring to Tauranga as The Safe Anchorage; Katikati as Small Nibbles; Te Puna as The Spring; Rotorua as the Stinking Shithole and Waikato as the Foggy Cold Place with Inbred Weirdos. Hang on, we might have lost some detail in translation. It seems Rotorua means Two Lakes and Waikato – Pull into the Sea.
During the journey of the Tainui canoe, just off the mouth of the river, its current could be seen exerting a pull (kato) in the sea – so the river itself was named Waikato (wai meaning water).
What wasn’t clear to the intrepid kaihoe was that the Waikato greedies would later lay claim entirely to the Magic and the Chiefs, to the apparent exclusion of the Bay of Plenty.
Yes that’s right, my happy whakaminenga. The inbreeds of the Foggy Cold Place seem to have forgotten that the taonga of the Chiefs and Magic is meant to be a shared partnership on both sides of the Kaimai.
It has been a great week in sport, with the Magics cleaning up in the netball and the Chiefs ready to deal to the Crusaders.
However, it would seem that the BOP component of both sides is somewhat diluted, with the clear bias toward Waikato.
Even the colours of Magics and Chiefs, red black and yellow, is blatantly Waikato and bears no relevance to the BOP at all.
To make matters worse, the TV commentaries are pirau. Totally Waikato-focused and ‘home” is Hamilton, no mention of any place east of the Kaimai.
The incredibly biased commentary leans heavily toward the Crusaders. Every TV story is loaded with Crusader hopes for the final, as if the Chiefs were from another planet.
Hey TVNZ, how about waking up to the fact that the BOP is every bit a part of the country as the rest of the regions. The world does not stop at Auckland, Wellington or Christchurch. Get over your biased coverage and give the Bay some of the credit it so deserves.
Meanwhile, the week in news has produced some gobsmacking issues.
A coroner’s report points the finger at Chris Kahui over the death of his twins; while Kahui was busy trying to prevent the release. This case has saddened the country to the core. Those poor little boys just had no chance with the complete lack of parenting from either of these losers.
Worse, Kahui is revelling in his new found celebrity status and still doesn’t seem to understand the tragic basics. How many of you spotted him arriving at court this week, stepping out of a Hummer? He thinks he’s some sort of movie star. Next he’ll be signing autographs, making a movie and a rap song and selling T-shirts.
It is so wrong to give these people notoriety. Just as the Batman movie mass killer was seeking some kind of infamy, and getting it. Why keep plastering his demented face on our TV screens? Why give the sicko the mana of presence? Show the faces of the victims.
Meanwhile, back in Kahui Fantasyland, the so-called mother, Macsyna, isn’t any better. Having authored a book with the help of Ian Wishart and believing that the coroner’s report somehow vindicates her.
Wrong. When a stop for a hamburger outweighs the importance of getting your critically injured babies to a hospital, you clearly do not have an ounce of parenting ability.
The entire family rolled the justice system in a stunning display of nonsense – for delaying police action for weeks, then the culprits walking away, Scot-free to pursue their newfound life of stardome.
Both are still out there, breeding. Is there any hope? He aha hoki!
Alert readers have spotted the error in a recent RR which stated the Muldoon snap election was in the seventies. We all know it was the eighties and of course this was a test for you. In my defence, I was under the influence of drugs and or drink at the time. And to be fair, so was Muldoon.
There’s good reason for at least one of us, however.
Recovering from shoulder surgery this week, I’ve been plied with an interesting cocktail of mind altering substances which has made the production of a weekly column somewhat challenging.
I don’t know what Muldoon’s excuse was.
However difficult it may be to write a column in this state, I’m sure I would be capable of running the country.
Many thanks to the wonderful staff of Tauranga Hospital and surgeon Andy Stokes for the excellent repairs and managing to preserve my distorted funny bone.
It’s a peculiar injury which means I’m still able to have full use of a remote control, go fishing with my mates but unable to do the dishes or vacuuming for three or four years.
Noho ora mai.