Unless you are a border collie, you won’t know this. Because like me, the rest of us are too thick to be able to read. I however am blessed. No, I am not a clever Labrador. Just a popular one. I have friends. Smart friends. One of them is Benny, a border collie. And of course, being the smartest of dogs, he can read. And tie his shoe laces. And recite the Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner. And lick the dots off a Rubik’s cube in More...

Fans of this column will be pleased to hear that I’m considering expanding into film, television, merchandising and promotional opportunities. For starters, I see great potential for a reality TV show, featuring Diesel’s Dining Disasters. Also Canine Culinary Catastrophes. If Piha Rescue can make a DVD about doofuses constantly getting in trouble in the surf and long suffering lifesavers feeling they have to pull them out over More...

Landmines at Mount Maunganui? How bizarre!  My good friend Mal, the manky Mount malamute, tells me the boys in blue had several blocks cordoned off this week. My other Mount buddies Bo and Duke thought they were in for some fireworks. Trust those staffies to turn a serious bomb threat into a neighbourhood festival of entertainment. They were sitting out in their deckchairs pointed toward Oceanbeach, with the popcorn, hotdogs (haha) and More...

I wandered through the hedge on Sunday, as Labradors are apt to do, and found myself in the Forbidden Zone that is otherwise known as Maureen's next door. Now I know that any placename containing the words "next door" is strictly out of bounds, just like Dick's fish filleting bench and Barry's compost bin. But hey, with a nose like mine and some seriously ridiculously large holes in the hedge, what's a poor boy to do? Besides, there More...

There's a considerable amount of etiquette involved in properly gate-crashing a picnic. Labradors of good breeding (and other experienced gluttons) as myself know this. You can't just rock up to the tartan blanket or the chequered table cloth, roll onto the host's lap, ask for the dessert menu and pretend you're their long-lost faithful hound. Oh no. You have to wheedle your way in slowly but confidently, all the time making it look like an More...

It’s been a great summer – I’ve been just like a social butterfly, only without the wings and maybe about 42kg heavier. My lazy, hazy days around the beach have been sublime and lots of my friends in the neighbourhood have been enjoying a dip in the estuary to take the heat off the day, then the odd nap under a shady tree. Recently though, the antics of one of the neighbour wags left the rest of us speechless. Oko (his More...

What a great time of year. There is nothing I enjoy more than a good picnic. A tussle with a marsupial is up there, but does not quite cut the mustard. I rolled up to the annual Te Puna get together to be greeted with not one but six barbecues. Hey, what is a poor boy to do? The boss woman, being the kind hearted soul she is, wanted to lock me in the yard. Arrgh, no way boss! That just does not work. Anyway with much barking and tearing More...

I left the females on the beach for a little male bonding with the boss, as us lads can only handle so much chatter about what’s happening on “Coro Street”, and when the next cocktail waitress was going to burst out of her bodice, with more revelations about “Tigers”, club swinging. So off we went for a stroll down to the reserve, with me able to run free and be true to my Nordic heritage, with a lot of pillaging, More...

Ah, the lazy hazy days of summer. I thought I would share with you a little bit of what I have been up to over the last week. I had a holiday at Grandma’s, as the bosses went sailing and would not take me. The ignominy of it, had something to do with my bathroom skills, which they think are magnified in small areas. Be damned if my number twos were magnified, the boat would sink. Never mind, I got to hang around with a few wild canines, More...

A happy new year to you all, and I hope you are all still in party mode. We are back at work on The Strand to bring you the news on what’s happening around the bay. I had a tear in my eye Christmas morning when out I stumbled, heading diligently to my food bowl, when I was halted, (doing a four-paw drift across the linoleum) as I caught sight of a nude portrait of myself. Now as you know it takes a fair bit to cut me off in mid stride, More...