It is important to remember, when dealing with childcare separation, that a certain amount of anxiety is normal and can be overcome with support, reassurance and sensitivity.
We’ve already covered some good tips that you can employ to minimise anxiety.

These include: Introducing new people and places gradually, keeping them in familiar environments, using consistent primary care, scheduling departures for most ideal times. Here’s some additional tips that you can use to ease the separation and reduce a lot of the anxiety.

Use a routine for saying ‘goodbye’
Routines are important for children to provide reassurance and familiarity. A simple routine may be a goodbye kiss, a cuddle or a wave at the window. The most important thing to remember is to assure your child they will be fine and that you will return. When reassuring children it is important to use concepts of time that they will understand. “I will be back to pick you up after you have had your afternoon sleep.”

Leave without fuss
Be calm and consistent. Show confidence in your child and the person caring for them. Always say goodbye when you leave and then leave. Hesitating, coming back and delaying your departure all make it worse for you and your child. Never sneak out the door when they are not looking. Your child will look for you. If they cannot find you they may assume the worst that you are never coming back and panic!

Return when you promise
It is critical that you return when you promised to, especially at the beginning of leaving your child in care. This is how your child will be reassured and develop confidence that they can cope while you are gone. They will come to understand that while you go away you or another close family member will always come back.

Check in
Set a time that you will phone back to see how your child is. Usually this will be 15-20 minutes after you have left. Most children will have become distracted and soothed by an activity or toy, songs, games or stories. This will give you an opportunity to calm and feel better about leaving your child and reassure you that they are no longer distressed. After a regular period of time with the nanny or childcare, usually between 4 to 8 weeks, your child should have become familiar with separating from you and will do so without tears and other anxiety indicators.

Trust your instincts
The phase of separation anxiety usually passes. If your child has trouble sleeping, has loss of appetite, becomes distressed constantly or refuses to go to a certain babysitter/nanny, or childcare there could be a problem. Trust your instincts and approach the person or service to ask why they think this may be happening. If your child still hasn’t settled into the care arrangement after 8 to 12 weeks you may need to look at another option that suits their needs better. If anxiety becomes worse howcarol@qualitykidz.co.nzever where the child is making themselves vomit, has nightmares about you leaving or excessively concerned that something bad will happen to you if you leave talk with your doctor.

Next week: choosing childcare

Carol is the Managing Director of Quality Kidz Home-based Childcare, Nanny and Babysitting agency. Carol is also on the executive board of the New Zealand Home-based Early Childhood Education Association. For contact email carol@qualitykidz.co.nz or go to www.qualitykidz.co.nz.